Goddess Revival Weekend

Tree of Life couple

In my twenties, I had the pleasure of reading a book called Goddess Within: A Guide to the Eternal Myths that Shape Women’s Lives. It was the first introduction I’d ever had to reclaiming the Goddess in my own life. What I found was mesmerizing.

The beauty of the old myths is that they are timeless and represent the different experiences that women face today. Unlike the dominant religions today where the Goddess is a mere shadow of herself, these stories appeal to the wide range of feminine qualities which we feel stirring deeply inside of us calling to be heard. 

This calling is why I’m so excited to personally invite you to participate in the FEMTalks Goddess Revival Weekend happening this coming Easter weekend March 26-27! 

Nestled in the Oakland Hills is a vibrant sanctuary where the sacred comes to life. It’s a lovely escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, but close enough to easily get to from the city. Teachers are coming from all over to honor the sacred feminine with dance, ritual and ceremony, luscious exploration, deep conversation, and blessings for all.

Imagine yourself immersed in a nurturing escape with new and old friends, relaxing together, witnessing each other’s joys and pains, healing each other’s hearts, birthing your visions with support and collaboration!

There will be over 20 incredible presentations filled with hands on exercises to enliven the Goddess in you!  I’ll be teaching How to be a Goddess IN Your Relationship: 3 Keys to Create Conscious Partnership. You’ll learn why knowing and expressing what you need is critical to your being the Goddess in your relationship! You’ll walk away with tools you can immediately use that will impact your relationship experience forever.

I hope you’ll join us! To find out more and to register, http://www.meetup.com/BayAreaSpiritualBizWomen/events/228145931/?mc_cid=6f6f0b21bf&mc_eid=5222c6719a.

 

 

Women Need to FEEL ADORED! (tips for Men for Valentine’s Day +)

How to win with women
The dreaded day is here again. You’ve tried to make her happy all year, and you know that if you don’t get it right, she’ll be upset.

It’s infuriating, that you spend 364 days doing great things, and friggin’ Valentines Day, a made up holiday, is what you will be judged by!

The first problem is that there’s nothing in a woman’s nature to get her to be clear about what she needs until she’s upset without it.

The second problem is that she thinks you’re supposed to “know” what she wants because she’s hinted about it. She thinks you’re a mind-reader.

(This goes with Valentine’s Day and every other day of the year!)

So here’s what to do:

  1. If she hasn’t been clear about what would make her the happiest for Valentines’ Day, ask her. “Honey, what would make you the happiest for Valentine’s day?”
  2. If she answers, “surprise me.” Don’t fall for it! Say, “As much as I’d like to read your mind, I still haven’t figured out how, so would you think of 3 places you’d like to go, and/or 3 gifts you would enjoy and where to buy them, (photos help) and let me choose.”
  3. You can tell her your budget, be realistic, but not stingy. Remember this is supposed to feel good to both of you. If it breaks the bank and you feel resentful, that won’t work.
  4. Go with what she tells you she wants. It’s okay to embellish it. The more thought you put into it, the more she’ll appreciate it.
  5. It will go a long way, if you make a point to compliment her before you go out. Women need validation from their partner when they take the time to dress up for them. Of course, this is good every time you go out. 🙂 The result will be a happier woman and more fun because she’ll be more relaxed with you.
I know it’s a hurdle, but when done right, you’ll both feel GREAT and enjoy the time together.
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

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Men Need Ways to WIN! (tips for Women for Valentine’s Day +)

Setting Him Up to WINFebruary is supposedly the month of love, but unfortunately, for many couples it’s often a month of pressure and disappointment.

It’s the month of unclear expectations and trying to out do your last attempt at Valentines’ Day.

We are inundated by the media about what we’re supposed to do to celebrate: buy this diamond; go to this restaurant; surprise your partner with this or that gift.

The truth is that what you hear from someone other than your partner may or may not be what your love truly desires and you end up with disappointment.

Or maybe you get your hopes up but never let your partner know what you want Valentine’s Day to look like for you, and you end up getting an eyelash curler like I did one year.

He was confused because I was so disappointed. It was in this beautiful bag from a store filled with beautiful, sparkly makeup, and out of all that he’d chosen an eyelash curler!

Evidence that he didn’t know me or love me, I thought! And we broke up shortly thereafter.

Looking back, I know why he was confused. I had imagined what would make me happy, but I hadn’t let him know what I wanted, and when men are made to guess at what you want, they will opt for something they think you need. Can you see how this is a set up for failure?

If this sounds familiar. I want to give you some important tips to help your guy to win with you and make this month special instead of frustrating.

Make Sure Your Man Can Win With You!

  1. If you want a romantic dinner, think of a few places in different price ranges you’d like that would suit your fancy and be open to going on a different night if it’s totally booked on Valentines’ Day. Especially if either one of you is going to be tired from a long week. Find a time that you can have a romantic time without being exhausted.
  2. If you like gifts, think of 3 things that you’d be really happy receiving for Valentines’ Day in different price ranges. Let your partner know what they are. If you can take a photo, do it. This will take the guessing out of it and help him to win with you.
  3. Take care of yourself, like taking a bath, getting a massage, listening to your favorite music, and putting on something that makes you feel amazing, so that you’re in good shape to be happy and have a good time whatever he chooses from your options.
  4. Appreciate him for doing (or attempting to do) what you desire! Show him you’re happy! If he never sees himself winning with you, he’ll give up. This is CRITICAL!

Your man isn’t a mind reader. If you want something special, you’ve got to let him know. He spends all year trying to make you happy, and this one day is seen as the “end-all, be-all” to relationship success by women. It’s not. It’s just a day.

Giving your guy WAYS TO WIN will endear him to you.
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

If you like this article, Sign up to receive Building Treasured Relationships E-Zine by Email to learn more great tips for building a solid and satisfying Love Life with your partner.

 

 

Top 5 Tips for Nurturing Your Relationship in 2016

Instead of focusing on the problems in your relationship, make a commitment to build the loving and joyful partnership you want.
How to Nurture Your Love
You can start right now by focusing on what’s working in your relationship.

Try using the following Top 5 Tips for Nurturing Your Relationship in 2016!

  1. When your partner gets angry, instead of responding with anger, choose to see the anger as fear. Listen for the fear behind the words, and imagine him or her like a hurt little child who doesn’t know how to ask for comfort and reassurance. This will help you respond with love and compassion instead of reacting to the anger. By listening instead of engaging in an argument, you minimize the fallout from the anger. This will deepen your connection instead of breaking your relationship.
  2. When you notice yourself resisting your partner as he or she expresses feelings, STOP and ASK YOURSELF “What is being expressed here that I am fearful of looking at: in myself or in my past?” Relationships, by their very nature, will bring up wounds from your past. By noticing what triggers you, you can use the trigger for healing and closure. This will create space for you two to be present with each other.
  3. Once a week, set aside some time to clear up any Emotional Tension that has built up in your relationship. Use this time to communicate Your Truth with your partner about whatever you may not have handled and may need to be cleaned up. Let your partner know what you’re feeling without blaming them. Really listen to each other with an open heart and respond when the speaker is complete. Take turns. This will deepen your relationship and create a fresh place for you both to move forward in.
  4. Use the 3 A’s of Relationships (Attention, Appreciation, Affection) with your partner 3 times a day, for at least 3 minutes. It will feed your partner’s heart. You will begin to see your partner glow RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES! And you will feel Glowy yourself! For an additional bonus add in Acceptance and Allowing, and watch your partner’s heart melt.
  5. Make love from choice instead of obligation. Choose to nurture your relationship. Learn what sex does for your partner. We often assume it’s about taking, but it can be about joining and connection. Making love causes the bonding hormone oxytocin to flow, deepening your experience, and making the day-to-day demands of life flow more comfortably and lessen your stress level.
If you’ve been having problems connecting with your partner and building the relationship that you want, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo ready to create Conscious Partnership!
Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

 

Survive the Holidays and THRIVE!

Relationships can really be put to the test during this time of the year when you fall prey to the stress of the season.

Survive the holidays and THRIVE

Here are a few things you can do to make it through successfully:

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE – In every situation there is something you can focus on that you like or enjoy – make a point of looking for those things, and you will reap the benefits.

GIVE UP HOSTESS HEAD – Don’t give into instinct and go crazy trying to throw the perfect dinner party, or buy the perfect gift. Focus on the present moment and connecting with the people you love.

AVOID CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE SYNDROME – Remember that each person you encounter is having their own holiday stress. You can choose to make the experience sweet or sour in every interaction.

Wishing you the happiest of holidays!

To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

If you have been experiencing challenges in your relationship, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo committed to creating lifelong partnership.

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!

Kimi interviews Mary Goyer, M.S. Holistic fertility, pregnancy, and reproductive health specialist

During my video interview with Mary Goyer, she emphasizes that if you only focus on what’s going on physically with infertility, you’re missing 45-50% of what’s going on to inform those symptoms.

Do not underestimate the emotional work!

You cannot simply apply the mind over matter approach because that usually just adds to the energy that’s causing the problems in the first place.

For example, stress is a powerful factor because the body registers reproduction as unimportant when the Fight or Flight system is turned on, and resources will be focused elsewhere.

When the Fight or Flight system is turned on continuously, under conditions of chronic stress, ALL of your body systems get thrown out of balance and symptoms will start coming up.

People know it’s going on, but they don’t know what to do about it.

That’s where Mary’s work really comes in. There are a number of things you can to do release those subtle sources of stress from your body.

It’s never too late to re-balance your body and clear up the emotional energy that is causing the body’s imbalance.

To learn more about what’s going on with stress and infertility and what you can do about it (without quitting your job!), you can download her article “The Truth About “Infertility – Mindset Matters” here:

MaryGoyer-MindsetMatters

Learn more about Mary and the incredible work she does, visit aufertility.com and auparent.com.

Kimi introduces Special Guest Mary Goyer and “The Truth About “Infertility” – Mindset Matters”

I’m posting today to share a very important resource with you or someone you love (Mary’s article linked below).

Mary Goyer M.S.
Mary Goyer, M.S., holistic fertility, pregnancy, and reproductive health specialist

I met Mary Goyer, M.S. holistic fertility, pregnancy, and reproductive health specialist when she was speaking a few weeks ago. We immediately connected because our work overlaps.

Couples often wait until things have gotten really bad and tried everything that they can think of to save their relationship before reaching out for help. The same holds true for couples experiencing infertility.

The experience of wanting a child and not being able to get pregnant is incredibly hard on any couple, and when they don’t get the help they need to deal with their emotions along the way, they risk losing their relationship too.

Mary offers safe, natural integrative techniques for women wanting to be mothers. She draws upon her traditional training in marriage & family therapy and her specialty in holistic, mind-body techniques to offer a new way of approaching fertility, birth & wellness for women.

Mary supports women/couples who are dealing with a range of challenges: hormonal imbalances, “infertility”, pregnancy loss, relational difficulties, sexual trauma, birth trauma, postpartum depression, anxiety & stress, etc.

She works with couples to clear reproductive imbalances, increase fertility, and step into parenthood from a place of connection, confidence, & peace. Her approach, first used to heal herself of cervical cancer, is now offered locally and internationally.

Watch my Interview with Mary here:

http://consciouscouplesnetwork.com/kimi-interviews-mary-goyer/

Download her article “The Truth About “Infertility” – Mindset Matters” here:

MaryGoyer-MindsetMatters

Learn more at aufertility.com and auparent.com.

Maybe No One is Misbehaving

Have you ever thought your partner was wrong for being the way they are and then gotten angry because they won’t take your advice and they can’t be who you want them to be?

Maybe no one is misbehaving

I was working with a couple recently, and they weren’t seeing eye to eye about work. Elaine is working on a huge time consuming project that she loves, is taking care of her aging mother, and works as a life coach.

She spends a lot of time doing all kinds of things that she loves while her sweetheart has a job that he doesn’t particularly like.

Sam looks at her and sees her doing multiple things and wants to take care of her and help her to focus on one thing. So, he was saying things like, “Stop doing that,” or “Just focus on your project.”

But to her, just focusing on her project would be like death. She cares for her mother, she loves her coaching AND she loves the project she’s working on.

Elaine looks at Sam and sees him in a job that he hates. She hears him express his unhappiness about what he’s doing. She cares about him so she gives him the advice to do something that he loves, because that’s what she, as a woman, would put her attention on.

It’s all about life enhancement for women. So she encourages him to do something that will enhance his life. However, her input gets brushed aside because what he’s doing provides for himself and his son. He can’t see himself leaving his job until his 15 year old son is grown.

On the surface, it looked like they’re helping each other. But because they didn’t understand how the other one operated in the world, they were unintentionally hurting each other.

If this type of conversation gets a foothold in your relationship, it can mean breakup or years of frustration.

When we worked together, Sam began to understand that his sweetheart loved what she was doing, and the best way to support her was to make sure she was getting some quality down time to nurture herself so she could do what she loved.

Elaine got that the best way to support him was to plant seeds for him that would help him leave his job and move onto something more fulfilling when his son was 18.

Understanding how your partner operates in the world not only averts relationship disaster, it creates the foundation for a life of relationship bliss.

If you want to learn more about the instinctual differences between men and women and how to avoid letting them run your relationship amok, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo who are committed to creating Conscious Partnership.

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

How Instinct Breeds Conflict

Did you know that most of our life is run on our default instinctual responses to the world? We like to think that we’ve evolved beyond our instincts, that were not like other animals, but that’s just not true.

Masculine Single Focus

When we respond to our world without thinking about what we’re doing, it’s either an ingrained response, or instinct running the show. What this means for your relationship is that quite often, in fact most of the time, we are operating from our instinctual mode.

And the instinctual mode of males and females of any species are different. Did you ever watch Wild Kingdom? Our instinct is hard-wired into us. And whether we want to believe it or not, our hard-wiring plays a role.

When my husband is watching football, which he loves, or doing any project for that matter, he’s in single-focused mode. A man in single-focus mode will not always respond with kindness if you interrupt him. And that’s putting it mildly. So what do you do if you want to connect with your partner? You have a quick question, or something really important to you? You either interrupt, and end up in a fight, or you ignore him because you feel like he doesn’t respect or care about you, and your feelings are hurt.

And then when the game’s over, or he is finished with whatever he was doing, he comes over to talk to you and you’re crabby. You give him the cold shoulder, because of “the fact” that he’s ignored you. You wonder why he could think that he could just come over as if nothing had happened. You might even tell him your feelings are hurt, but then he sulks and backs away. The beginning of another disconnected evening.

Did you know that about 80 to 90% of relationship problems can be solved by understanding the instinctual differences between men and women? Men and women are so different that we be better off if we actually spoke different languages, because then we wouldn’t think we were communicating. The way we operate in the world is different.

This applies to how we raise our children, what makes us feel safe, how often we have sex, and how we spend our money. Really, there are more ways that we’re out of sync, than in sync.

For me, knowing this, helps me from getting upset when Art’s in single-focus mode. It allows me to choose my response, because I know that he is not ignoring me. So while I may have a momentary upset, I can regroup, and choose what I want to focus on, which is his single-focused attention on me, when he’s done with the game.

That’s why understanding instinctual differences helps you navigate them, so that you can consciously rise above and co-create the relationship that you truly want.

This week, ask yourself when you’re upset with your partner’s behavior, “could this be instinct?” Instead of getting upset, choose to be curious. Allow your partner the space to be single-focused and watch what happens next!

To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist
If you want to learn more about the instinctual differences between men and women and how to avoid letting them run your relationship amok, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo who are committed to creating Conscious Partnership.
Click Here to Learn More and Signup!

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When it’s not a Commitment Issue

Commitment might not be the problemIf you’ve ever ended a relationship thinking men are flakes – or that you just can’t please her no matter what you try – I’ve got some great news for you:

It’s not what you think! Believe it or not, men truly yearn to commit, and women love to be happy!

We think words like Commitment mean the same to everyone. Not only is that not true, not understanding how commitment works for the masculine and feminine modes, creates huge problems in relationships.

Remember that Men and Women both have masculine and feminine modes within them. Each person will bring their dominant modes into their relationship and each mode has a different relationship to commitment.

For the masculine mode, it’s about being all in, and once the switch in his heart has been turned, he’s in for life.

For the feminine mode, it’s about committing based on context. If the context changes, the commitment changes.

Can you see how this might be a problem?

Here’s a startling statistic: TWO THIRDS of divorces are initiated by women. Crazy, right! Men are usually seen as the non-committal ones… This might shock you, but generally that’s not true.

Here’s a scenario.

Man and woman meet. They are crazy hot for each other. It’s “love at first sight.” They are sure they’ve met “the one” so they dive into a relationship. They have an attraction of a level 10. (I’ll be talking about that next week).

The problem is that because it feels so good and they have so much passion, they tend to make the assumption that they are on the same page about their relationship goals.

They’ve missed the step in dating about getting really clear about what each other’s requirements are in order to be happy when tying themselves to the other person.

Unfortunately, it’s typical for women to not express themselves clearly about what they need, especially when the attraction level is high. They make assumptions that their partner will figure out what they need based on hints and suggestions.

And if a woman’s too direct, she feels awkward, so it’s often the awkwardness that turns a man off.

So you have lack of clarity and misunderstandings and, quite often, there were things she needed in the beginning of the relationship that she didn’t express in a way that her man could get it right from the start.

She assumed that he got her hints, and expected her partner to change, and when he doesn’t, she finally leaves.

The sad thing is that men want to make us happy, and because we don’t give them quality information about what we need until we’re upset without it, they don’t see how they can win with us by committing.

What this means is that women need to be more clear about their needs. Sure some men will walk away, but the right one will stay, because when your man knows how he can make you happy (happiness is your job ladies), he’ll want to commit, and he’ll commit for life.

If you want to learn more about what you can do to get on the same page with your partner, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo who are committed to creating Conscious Partnership.

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

 

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