Bulletproof Woman Principle #1 Know Who You Are and What You Want

In relationship coaching, I see many women who have shields protecting their hearts. We call her the Bulletproof Woman. She is strong, successful and social. She has a good job or owns her own business. She is passionate, confident and has goals. She learned that she could have it all, but she is strangely unfulfilled, exhausted, and at times feels lonely. She has learned how to survive in a man’s world by putting on a bulletproof shield that has also kept her alone and isolated in her romantic personal life. She craves intimacy and doesn’t know how to get it. She doesn’t have the greatest boundaries: she either loses herself in relationships or shields herself in a way that keeps her from connecting with potential partners. She has often confused chemistry for love and has dived into one relationship after another only to find that she was not happy because she ignored red flags and deal breakers. If she is married, she might not have the depth of intimacy she craves.

Invest the time to discover who you are and what would make you happy. Seems obvious, right? A woman by nature is flexible and adaptable to those she cares about and to those around her. She tends to meet someone and lose herself in the relationship. She goes into adaptable “pleasing” mode. Being true to yourself is much easier when you are single, so before you are in a partnership, it is important to articulate with clarity who you are and what your life’s purpose is. This will help you set a strong foundation for meeting and keeping the perfect partner for you.

[Announcement] Intimacy Expert Jan Robinson Joins Voraciously Curious 8/11-12th in Berkeley

Sex and Intimacy Expert Jan Robinson says that creating experiences of truly great sexual love and passionate intimacy involves the art of understanding and responding to each other’s unique masculine and feminine differences…

I couldn’t agree more! 🙂

That’s why I have invited her to give a SPECIAL BONUS PRESENTATION at my 2-Day Voraciously Curious Workshop for Couples and Singles 8/11-12th in Berkeley.

During Jan’s “How to Create Greater Relationship Bliss with Your Partner Overnight!” presentation you will discover…

  • How to recognize your own and your partner’s basic sexual energy template, whether it’s “solar” or “lunar,” and what challenges and gifts come which each type
  • What you need to know about your basic sexual energy template, that allows you to easily transform even long-standing issues into the greatest pleasure you’ve ever known
  • The #1 secret to approaching love play so that your masculine/feminine differences, rather than working against each other, harmonize together in a win-win style of mind-blowing, lovemaking magic

You won’t want to miss these juicy details and more at Voraciously Curious Weekend!

Seating is limited!

Go here to enroll: VoraciouslyCurious.com.

Workshop Details

More About Special Guest Expert Jan Robinson…

Jan Robinson, MAFor the past 18 years, Jan Robinson, M.A., has helped hundreds of women, men, and couples have and enjoy deeper, more fulfilling sex and intimacy.  She has led dozens of workshops all over the U.S. and Europe.

Jan is the author of the #1 best-selling Have More Sex Book for men, where she reveals her top 15 secrets for satisfying women and having them come back for more.

She is the founder of Multidimensional Pleasure, offering one-on-one and group mentoring to women on the topics of women’s sexuality, attracting your ideal mate, and relationship fulfillment; private couple’s programs in tantric sex and intimacy; and individual online coaching for men to increase their confidence and performance in the bedroom.

Enroll Me in Voraciously Curious Now!

Healing Little Hurts So Love Can Thrive

I wanted to take a minute to talk about the little hurts in your relationship today because little hurts building up over time can destroy your most vital and loving intentions.

For example:

  • Maybe your partner says something that hurts your feelings and you shrug it off and “let it go” for the sake of diplomacy. You don’t want a confrontation, so you bury this little hurt today.
  • Maybe you go along with something that makes you feel uncomfortable for the sake of making your partner happy, but your contribution seems to be taken for granted – goes unappreciated – but you bury this little hurt today.
  • Maybe you’re tired of being nagged about something that’s not a priority right now and wonder what’s the point of even trying, but you bury this little hurt today.
  • Maybe you have mustered up the courage to tell your partner how you really feel about something that’s important to you, only to have it shot down, criticized, or ignored, but you bury this little hurt today.

Every single day, men and women choose to bury some little hurt because they love their partners and want to make their relationship work…

For the kids.

For security.

Because they cannot bear the thought of breakup.

Meanwhile, these little hurts are feeding self-preservational instincts below the surface, and building up to a downward spiral that can to destroy the love you have…

Just say NO to the Downward Spiral
Couple spiraling into preventable conflict

 

It does NOT have to be this way!

I have always said that you can be the most loving, compassionate, and spiritual person in the world and still get tripped up in your relationship because our instinctual nature, hidden in the unconscious mind, gets in the way of our conscious intentions whether we are aware of them or not.

When we know how instinct works, we can navigate it: we can trip, stumble a little, and recover quickly. But when instinct operates under the radar, the results can be emotionally catastrophic and lead to misery, distrust, betrayal, divorce…

The whole point of my coaching practice – and everything I do – is to provide you with reliable tools to recover quickly from little hurts, and create the relationship you truly desire – a conscious relationship that FEEDS YOUR LOVE instead of one that unconsciously challenges it at every turn.

Learn how to co-create a GREAT Relationship
Couple spending more time loving (due to less time recovering from little hurts!).

The bottom line is that LITTLE hurts happen when we don’t know where our partner is coming from – when we subconsciously expect our partners to think, feel and behave like we would, but in practice, men and women are different.

Men and women speak differently, listen differently, and have vastly different needs and expectations relating to commitment, safety, sex – you name it – and until we become CURIOUS about why our partner did or said something THAT WAY instead of the way we expected, we’re going to get it wrong.

If you don’t want to get it wrong,

If you want to:

  • immunize your current relationship against the erosion of little hurts…
  • or find your life partner with the benefit of foresight…
  • or even SAVE THE ROCKY BOAT YOU’RE ON…

I would love to see you in person August 11-12th, 2018  in Berkeley.

Workshop DetailsDuring my 2-Day Voraciously Curious for Couples and Singles Workshop, I laser focus on some of our differences so that men and women can heal past hurts and begin co-creating GREAT RELATIONSHIPS together.

http://voraciouslycurious.com

It’s going to be a great weekend filled with insights you won’t want to miss!

So click here to learn more and enroll before space runs out.

I hope to see you soon.

Lovingly,

Kimi

PS.  SPECIAL NOTE: VORACIOUSLY CURIOUS HAPPENS REGULARLY SO CLICK THE IMAGE BELOW TO CHECK FOR THE LATEST DATES IN CASE WE FORGOT TO UPDATE THIS POST!

Voraciously Curious Workshop Homepage

Help! My Wife is ALWAYS late and it drives me CRAZY!

Help! My Wife is ALWAYS late and it drives me CRAZY!

 

 

 

 

 

“Dear Kimi,

I don’t know what to do! My wife is ALWAYS late and gets upset with me for leaving without her, and gets up set with me for trying to get her to move faster so we can leave together.

I can’t win and I’m going crazy here!
Help!

Thanks!

Crazy Husband!”

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Dear Crazy Husband,

I hear you, and I know it can be incredibly frustrating to be waiting on someone when you know EXACTLY how much time it will take to get somewhere. If you’re like my husband, you like to be early.

Men and women have a different relationship to time. Typically, when a man commits he’s created a plan for exactly how long it will take to get from Point A to Point B. You’ve looked at the map, and you’ve created a plan.

Men typically have a strong relationship to the plans they create.

If a woman’s truly on board with the plan, then typically she’ll be ready when you say you should be ready.

But she’s likely a gatherer at heart. That means that the longer you’ll be away, the more she’ll collect to take on the caravan trip with you.

What my husband does is figure out how much time it takes to get from point A to point B, and then he adds 2 hours for me to gather, finish stuff around the house, and get myself together.

When we’re 30 minutes from departure time, he starts saying, “Enough gathering. You can get anything else you may need when we’re on the road.”

It works. It creates peace.

Also, you can add time in for the “fruit stands” and the “bathroom stops” along the way.

Ideally, you have a conversation about how to get out of the house and create a deal about it.

Let me know how it goes.

Much love,

Kimi

 

How to Heal Your Past Hurts and Open your Heart to Love

Commitment might not be the problemIf you’ve found this blog post, you’re likely frustrated by emotional hurts that occupy your heart and prevent you from opening to love. I feel you. It is my intention to shed some light on how to heal those hurts so you can open your heart to love.

Ninety percent of relationship problems stem from misunderstandings between the masculine and feminine dynamics that are at play. You can experience hurts in the following areas: communication, commitment, expectations of how much and how to do time together, and expression of needs and desires… just to name a few. I deal with these in the relationship navigation system.

The challenge is that we are hardwired to remember problems and unwanted experiences so that we don’t experience them again. The tendency is to ruminate on them, and when we do, those experiences can become the only lens with which you see the world.

By keeping alive negative memories of undesired experiences, you’re prevented from doing anything new or different in a new relationship.

Just thinking about the experience in the same way, you are literally rehearsing it.

Here are a few actions you can take to change the story of pain so you can open your heart and write a new love-filled one.

  1. Scrap all assumptions you may have about yourself and the other people involved. And then make 1 assumption, and that is that you don’t know what the other person was experiencing, and you might not have all the information.
  2. Be curious and take the time to learn about the differences between the masculine and feminine dynamics. The masculine and feminine have very different ways of viewing the world on an instinctual level.
  3. Be empowered to write a new story from your new place of understanding. You deserve to love and be loved. If you can do it on your own, great. If now, get help. You don’t have to do this on your own.

I’m here for you. I have a few more spaces left in my upcoming Relationship Navigation Immersion Retreat. I’m doing a preview call tonight. Register here. 

My Wife Complains ALL The Time

Ask Kimi: My wife complains all the time.
My wife complains all the time!

 

 

 

 

 

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“Dear Kimi,

My wife complains all the time about EVERYTHING I do. It’s like I can never do anything right. It was never like this when we were dating. I don’t know what happened.

When we got married I signed up for life.

I have no idea how to make her happy.

I don’t know what to do. Help!

Thanks,

Frustrated.”

********************

Dear Frustrated,

I hear you! Complaining to a woman means that she’s trying to get something she needs through to you.

I understand how frustrating it can be when she’s complaining, and doesn’t seem to be giving you any clue about what she actually wants you to do.

Sadly, you’re just not getting it because she’s giving you hints, or she’s explaining why she’s upset instead of telling what she needs.

There are a few problems going on:

  1.  Women tend to not know what they need until they are upset without it.
  2. They tend to give hints and then escalate to anger without an in between stage.
  3. Women change when someone complains to them, so they complain to you, thinking it will make you change.
  4. Bottom line: She’s trying to give you the message about what she needs, but she’s delivering it in a way that you can’t receive it, and all you hear is the storm of anger.

Here’s what you can do TO BE HER HERO!!! (Don’t be afraid – this really will work):

LET HER KNOW YOU CARE

  1. Say, “Woah! I see that you’re upset and I want to help.” 
  2. Let her know that you can tell that there is something she needs that’s important to her because she’s upset.
  3. Ask her to sit with you because you want to understand.
  4. Tell her that what she needs is truly important to you because you want her to be happy.

SETTING THE STAGE

  1. When you sit down with her, set you both up to win:
    1. Ask her to take a moment and think about what she needs and is upsetting her.
    2. Let her know that you’re not a mind reader and really do want to understand, and to please be patient with you.
    3. Ask her to help you get clarity by telling you what she needs instead of why she’s upset.
  2. When she starts talking, imagine you’re holding a bucket that she’s purging into and don’t interrupt. (This is important because by the time a woman’s upset, there’s usually a lot of build up of emotions and tension, that you don’t have to dive in and fix. Unless you let her express it, it will keep coming back to bite you.)
  3. When she’s finished purging, ask her to do her best to bullet point her request so that you can understand it. 

PROBLEM SOLVING

  1. Tell her you’re going to repeat her request back to her, and to make sure you understand it.
    1. If you do, great!
    2. If you don’t have her clarify.
  2. Repeat until clarity and agreement on the need is achieved.
  3. IT IS NOW TIME FOR PROBLEM SOLVING:
    1. If you can provide what she needs, do it.
    2. If you can’t provide that particular need, it behooves you and your partnership, to help her to figure out how she can get that need met. (A need is not to be confused with a REQUIREMENT that MUST be there or you or she will NEVER be happy in your partnership. Children/no children, or monogamy/polyamory, or lifestyle, or location. These are Deal Breakers.)

AREAS THAT MIGHT NEED THIS TYPE OF CONVERSATION: Cleaning the house; a certain sports activity; date nights; driving kids around; time with extended family; going on vacation; emotional support

I’ve got your back! You can do it!

With Love,

Kimi

NOTE: THIS CONVERSATION CAN GO BOTH WAYS! I address this topic in the Platinum Rule of the Relationship Navigation System. 

Please Share and Post a Comment Below

PS

Got a great question for me???? Submit it  here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/my-ask-kimi-question

Being Authentic When Dating

 

 

 

 

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“Hi Kimi,

I am having some issues come up that I could love your input on. I’ll try to be to the point…

I’m seeing a new guy, Dean, who is much more “relationship material,” however our chemistry is only between 5-7. which is good because intellectually and otherwise I am intrigued and want to give it a chance.

However, I find myself thinking about sex with some of the guys I was sleeping with recently. I’ve reached out to some of them, and have another potential lover who is strictly sexual no questions asked. I know I’ve said that I’m monogamous etc., but now I’m wondering if that is actually true.

What I would LOVE is to keep sleeping with some of these guys and keep getting to know Dean but not sleep with him until I’m sure I want to have a relationship with him. Does that sound crazy? Also, I know he’s gonna want to know about my life so how would I go about telling him I have lovers without discouraging him into thinking that I’m not serious about having a serious relationship (one day)?

Your thoughts?

Thanks!
Am I Crazy”

********************

Dear Am I Crazy,

Great questions!

First off, congratulations on exploring your true desires. Sometimes it takes situations like this to help the needed exploration to come to the surface. Like the question of monogamy or polyamory.

There are many reasons for confusion regarding monogamy and polyamory. Here are two:

Sometimes we’re programmed by our culture to believe we “should” be monogamous. That doesn’t make it right or wrong.

Sometimes people opt for polyamory because it keeps them from getting too close to one person and, in their minds, keeps them safe.

What’s important here is to explore what’s true for you and then learn how and when to let a prospective partner know.

Secondly, let’s talk about Velcro Girl. Velcro Girl is the tendency to immediately feel the need to disclose that you’re dating or being intimate with other people, or feel the need to shut off other relationships when you first meet someone you’re interested in. In your case men who you have sex with.

This tendency gets women into trouble because it’s like she’s betting all of her money on one horse at the race track. Until you get to know someone, focusing all of your attention on that person can lead to heartbreak.

Thirdly, Remember The REAL Truth About Successful Communication Between Men and Women? Men are natural Concealers, and women natural Revealers. Women tend to be more transparent, believing that “to know me, is to love me.” Men tend to naturally keep their cards to their chest.

A woman often feels that she “should” disclose everything right away, because it will make him fall in love. A man tends to be surprised when a woman discloses so much right away, because he wouldn’t.

Fourthly, you get to be the chooser. The sooner you express what you desire in a long term relationship, the more likely you are to get it.

The Bottom Line is that telling your date what you desire in the future is not the same thing as disclosing who you’re dating and being intimate with.

Letting your date know what you desire let’s him choose if he fits into that scenario.

Letting your date know that you’re being intimate with another man or other men, is putting the cart before the horse.

Exclusivity doesn’t and shouldn’t happen immediately.

Since you’ve just met Dean, there is no reason to disclose that you have other lovers, and there’s every reason to share what you desire in the future.

With love,
Kimi

PS Please share and comment below.

Got a great question for me???? Submit it here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/my-ask-kimi-question

Texting and Needs

Welcome to Ask Kimi, where I answer your questions. Here’s a question from “Confused”…

 

 

 

 

 

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“Hi Kimi,

I made the mistake (or impulsive decision) to text him last night and didn’t hear back. So now I am sitting with my feelings and wondering what to do next. I think that if and when he gets in contact again it will be time to ask him what he wants with me? I’m sure you have a better suggestion of how to approach the conversation.

I’m gonna listen to more sections of Relationship Navigation System today.

Thanks for everything!

Confused”

********************

Hi Confused,

I’ll answer your questions in two parts.

1) TEXTING:

Ahhh. It happens. I feel you.

Men are single focused. They are always single focused, and we are always interrupting a man. Remember that single focus is not a bad thing, it’s just they’re wired differently than we are.

That’s the good news and the bad.

If you know you’re texting a single focused human being, you have some choices:

  • You can get upset, decide he isn’t into you, and block his humber.
  • You can choose to go on with your day, instead of taking it personally, if he doesn’t respond right back to you right away, and find something that makes your heart sing.
  • You can choose to do something that makes you happy instead of letting your upset fester in your heart, leading you to have hurt feelings and be a little snarky when he finally responds back.
  • You can also choose to let it go and be happy now, knowing that he was doing something else, and that he’ll get back to you when he’s ready. When you do this, you will be lighter and happier and more fun to talk with when he does respond back. 🙂

It’s important to remember that most often it’s not personal when he doesn’t respond right back.

So, those are all viable choices, and if you remember that he’s always single focused, then you can rest at peace knowing that he’s not ignoring you, AND he’s doing whatever he’s doing; because that would be doing TWO things!

2) GETTING ON THE SAME PAGE

It’s always a good thing to make sure the person you are interested in is interested in what you want.

For instance, if someone wants to casually date, and you want a relationship, it’s important to know that sooner than later.

I find that often men and women enter into relationships unconsciously. Everyone has things that they need in their relationship experience. Unfortunately, these things tend to be unexpressed, but expected.

Sadly, men and women generally misrepresent themselves in an attempt to get what they need based on those unexpressed expectations.

For instance:

Women tend to say they’re ok with casual sex, when they aren’t.

Men tend to say they want a relationship, when they don’t.

Of course, it can be reversed, but the thing is that you won’t know unless you ask what the other person needs, and unless you let the person you’re dating know what you need, he or she won’t enter into the experience knowing the full equation. This leads to upset and frustration.

If you’re on the same page, GREAT!

If you want a booty call, and he wants marriage and children, then it’s not a match.

If you value polygamy, and he’s the monogamous type, then it’s not a match.

This list is endless, however, it’s critical in dating to KNOW WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR AND LET YOUR POTENTIAL PARTNER KNOW WHAT YOU DESIRE!

Let me know if this helps and have a beautiful day.

Much love,

Kimi

PS Please share and comment below.

Got a great question for me???? Submit it here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/my-ask-kimi-question

How to Live Your Life with Courage

talk-show-maven-tonight-show-kimi-avaryI have been very fortunate to be able to live the life of my dreams.

I began learning the healing arts from my godmother Dhyana when I was 5 years old. I was a professional massage therapist by my early 20’s. That evolved into mind-body healing when I learned about Neuro-Linguistic Programming. This led me to get my Masters in Counseling Psychology and becoming a Certified Relationship Coach.

One of the keys to my success is being courageous. And to me that is about challenging your comfort zone.

It’s all about walking the path not taken. Most people don’t walk their path because they are too scared.

I will explore my journey on a special interview on March 2nd.

Come join me and learn more.

Here are the details:

Talk Show Maven “Tonight” Show
Thursday, March 2nd
6pm Pacific (9pm Eastern)

Here’s what you will learn:
-How to get the help you need to have a successful home-based business
-Tips to navigate your business with ease and grace
-How to listen to your intuition about what steps need to be taken to be successful
-How to be flexible in your approach to your outcome once your dream is in motion
-Why you need to take care of yourself in order to succeed

Click here to join me live on the interview

The interview can be viewed using the BlueJeans live-streaming app. Allow enough time to download the app to join us live.

You can learn more about my story in the book, Careers from the Kitchen Table, 5th Edition, published by Raven Blair Glover.

Kimi Avary
Conscious Couples Network

Love and Money Live Event

Love and Money
I’m excited to have an opportunity to speak at Katrina Sawa’s Love and Money Live Event in Sacramento November 3rd – 5th.

At the event, I will be speaking on the roles of men and women in relationships. I will talk about how to rekindle your relationships create a conscious partnership.

Love & Money LIVE is the PERFECT event for you to attend right now if you’re…

  • Not exactly where you want to be in your life or business
  • Not earning as much money as you thought you would be by now
  • Working much harder than you have to or want to
  • Maybe not even totally happy personally in one way or another – maybe your significant other isn’t as supportive as you’d like about you doing your own business, maybe your friends or family keep asking you why you keep spinning your wheels or maybe you’re lacking confidence in yourself to some extent and find it hard to keep up the faith every day
  • Tired, burned out or even down right frustrated or discouraged about what’s in store for you in the next couple years.

Featured Speakers Include:

  • Katrina Sawa, Author of Love yourself Successful
  • Kimi Avary, Relationship Navigation Specialist
  • Mia Saenz, Love Alchemist
  • Dr. Minette Riordan
, Best-selling author of The Artful Marketer: The Fundamental Business Guide for Creative Entrepreneurs
  • Maryann Ehmann, Dream Activator, Breakthrough Specialist, Business Strategist, Speaker, Author
    • love and money live event invitation

      Kimi Avary
      Relationship Navigation Specialist

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