Tag Archives: taking care of YOU

Creating Meaningful Connections

When I think of Winter Solstice, Hanukkah, Christmas, and Kawnzza, I think of connection.

Creating ConnectionsConnection to family and friends near and far.

Connection to ourselves and our inner wisdom.

Connection to our country and our world, to something greater than ourselves, the Universe, God, Goddess, The Thing Itself…

Unfortunately, we can’t get to connection if we don’t set our intention to go there.

Over the years, the holidays have been both beautiful and difficult at varying times for me…

I remember the year after my mother passed away we were having Christmas as a family. My brother Arthur and I had arranged create the Christmas meal for the family.

Since I live quite a drive away from my father’s house, I was staying overnight. In the morning, I was in the kitchen preparing a fabulous cranberry/tangerine sauce. My father walked in and said, “You’d better finish up so that Arthur get in here to fix dinner.”

This might not have been a huge deal except that my father and I have had a rocky relationship for many years.

His simple words made me immediately feel like bursting into tears, and that I shouldn’t have even come. I turned the burner down and left the room.

Heartbroken WomanThe only thing I could think to do was to lock myself in the bathroom. I doubt anybody even noticed, but I knew I had to get out of the room or we would go down the path of anger and hurt feelings that we’ve gone down over and over again.

I sat there in the bathroom and knew I was at a fork in the road. I knew I didn’t want another horrific fight with my dad. Christmas was hard enough without my mother, and I just couldn’t stand the idea of fighting with my father again.

So there in the bathroom I paused. I took some deep breaths. And then I thought about the kind of experience that I wanted to have.

What I truly wanted was a Christmas with my family that was filled with love and connection. I wanted to fill the hole that the loss of my mother had left on all of us. I wanted a balm on my broken heart.

I decided that I needed to, and that I could, let go of what my father had said.

That I could reinterpret his words differently than I’d ever done.

I could think that my father’s words were not aimed at me or meant as a barb. They were just words said with enthusiasm about the coming dinner. This was just as true as thinking he didn’t love me. I knew I had a choice. I also knew that I had to make a better choice than I’d made before.

I sat there in the bathroom and intentionally thought about love. And the more I thought about love, the more I began to feel it. The more I felt love, the easier it was to begin to imagine this Christmas being different.

I set my intention to focus on love with my husband, brothers, sister-in-law, nephew, and father.

I spent about 10 minutes envisioning the experience I wanted with my family and most especially my father. Breathing and connecting myself to the love that I wanted to be experiencing.

Breathing and feeling love in every cell of my body. Breathing and sending love to my family. Breathing and sending love to my father.

And then I went to the kitchen and finished making my delicious cranberry/tangerine sauce. Arthur and I cooked together. We had a sweet gathering.

That night when I laid my head on the pillow, smiling as I drifted off to sleep, I thought, “That was exactly the experience I wanted.”

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO CREATE THE EXPERIENCES YOU WANT…

Creating Meaningful ConnectionsKnow that you have a choice about every experience that comes your way.

It may take a few minutes to orient yourself so you can make the best of the situation, and you can do it. You do have a choice.

However you’ve been spending the holidays, I invite you to set your intention on what you want to experience instead of what you don’t want.

Even if it’s been a bit rocky, you can give yourself a time out, breathe and focus on what you want to experience instead.

When you get the image, imagine being inside of that desired image feeling, seeing, and hearing what it’s like to be fully experiencing it the way you want it to be.

Things will start to turn around and move in the direction of what you desire. Especially when you’re feeling the good feelings that you desire. They become like a magnet drawing the experience you want into your life. You are a powerful creator.

And love the ones you’re with… even if it’s just yourself. In every moment you can set a new intention and make the best of whatever is coming your way.

Try this, and you just might find that it feels good, and that it’s nice to know you have a choice. It will also help you to know that you can create more of what you truly desire in your life.

May your holiday season be filled with sweet connections, much love, and delicious laughter!

Lovingly,

Kimi

Relationship Navigation Intensive Program - Create the Love You Desire

Survive the Holidays and THRIVE!

Relationships can really be put to the test during this time of the year when you fall prey to the stress of the season.

Survive the holidays and THRIVE

Here are a few things you can do to make it through successfully:

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE – In every situation there is something you can focus on that you like or enjoy – make a point of looking for those things, and you will reap the benefits.

GIVE UP HOSTESS HEAD – Don’t give into instinct and go crazy trying to throw the perfect dinner party, or buy the perfect gift. Focus on the present moment and connecting with the people you love.

AVOID CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE SYNDROME – Remember that each person you encounter is having their own holiday stress. You can choose to make the experience sweet or sour in every interaction.

Wishing you the happiest of holidays!

To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

If you have been experiencing challenges in your relationship, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo committed to creating lifelong partnership.

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!

It’s not your Job to Fix your Partner’s Emotions

Everyone has good moods and bad moods. When it’s someone you aren’t intimate with, you can often easily let the person’s bad mood roll off your back and simply offer a word or two of support.

Handling your partner's emotions

However, in a romantic relationship because you’re more interconnected it can be harder to maintain that kind of detachment. After all, you share a home and your life. You’re managing jobs and possibly raising children too.

Our moods have to do with where we put our attention and focus. George Markowsky says that our “senses gather some 11 million bits per second from the environment… In other words, the human body sends 11 million bits per second to the brain for processing, yet the conscious mind seems to be able to process only 50 bits per second.”

That’s over 950 billion bits of information coming at you every day. Some of that information can uplift you, and some can send you into a downward spiral. Think about it, with those numbers, it’s unlikely that everything is all bad.

What we are paying attention to affects our moods. We’re actually designed instinctively to notice problems. That’s what’s kept our species alive, and it’s our default mode. With so much information coming into our senses, we can unconsciously let our attention focus only on unwanted experiences.

On the other hand, you can consciously choose to notice the information that uplifts you. It can take some practice, but the results will likely be more desirable than the alternative.

Now let’s apply this to your relationship. One of the reasons you’re with your partner is that you were able to build enough rapport with them to feel comfortable and fall in love.

That’s what we do as humans. We resonate with each other. There are electromagnetic frequencies radiating out from your heart to your partner’s, and vice versa. That’s how love grows.

Building rapport is about unconsciously, or consciously, matching the mood of the people you are close to. For better or worse. It’s great news if you or your partner is in an uplifted mood.

Dr. John Gottman says that couples that last are ones who let each other influence each other. Your partner leads, you follow. Or you lead, and your partner follows. You match: you connect: your relationship blossoms. It’s a sweet deal.

On the other hand, because you’re interconnected with your partner, their unpleasant mood can affect you too.

What do you do if your partner is in a bad mood often? What if you or your partner is in a downward spiral? Like Linus from Peanuts, with a dark cloud over their head?

If you match them, you’ll likely go down too.

What do you do if you don’t want to go down with them? You may try to help them feel better but, as you may have noticed, it can lead to frustration for both of you. What if your partner’s angry? You try to intervene, and you end up getting angry too. Or you try to avoid them, and it creates a wall of hurt between you two.

To learn what you can do to avoid getting caught up in your Partner’s experience, Download my 6 Steps for Dealing with Moodiness In Your Relationship (Special Report) Now.

6 Steps for Dealing with Moodiness Report 02-2015

To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

If you have been experiencing challenges in your relationship, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Couples or Partners Flying Solo committed to turning things around.

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!

“The Science of Happiness – An Experiment in Gratitude”

I saw an amazing video a few weeks ago that I want to share with you, titled “The Science of Happiness – An Experiment in Gratitude,” produced and posted on YouTube by SoulPancake.

When SoulPancake read a research paper proving that “one of the greatest contributing factors in the overall happiness in your life is how much gratitude you show,” they produced the video to document their own happiness experiment with impressive results:

Not only do gratitude and happiness have a positive correlation, but they were able to show that the LESS HAPPY YOU ARE, THE BIGGER HAPPY-JOLT YOU GET! when you start expressing gratitude to and for the people in your life that you love and appreciate.

So, watch the video! Feel your heart open up and start soaring! Laugh and cry with the real people participating in SoulPancake’s yummy experiment!

To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist