Tag Archives: Know what you need

How to Manage High Chemistry in your Relationship

When you have high chemistry, you’ll likely have problems having conversations about what’s important to you, and you’ll likely begin to experience anxiety and frustration.

Manage Your High Chemistry Relationship

Why? Because the chemicals that create the chemistry have nothing to do with helping you have a great relationship. Remember, they are all about making great babies.

With high physical chemistry, it’s like you have blinders on that keep you from noticing the things that don’t fit into the requirements you have for a great relationship. It’s harder to express what you need to that person, because you adapt to fit their world-view instead of being true to yourself.

So, what can you do to manage an existing high chemistry relationship?

You MUST turn inward and explore what you require, need and want in order to be happy in the relationship. You MUST take the time to create a safe space between you to explore what you both need in order to be happy. You must clearly establish whether or not you are each willing and able to provide for one another’s relationship requirements. This can be a great time to work with a coach to help you make great deals that support the vision of your future together.

If you have been experiencing challenges in your relationship, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo committed to creating lifelong partnership.

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To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

Relationship Success Depends on Making Clean Deals (Video Interview)

On the most basic level, people make assumptions about how their partner operates in the world, and it’s quite often wrong – especially between men and women.

In my interview with Max Van Praag, Private Matters.tv – Episode 40 – “Relationship Success Depends on Making Clean Deals.”, we discuss what it takes for couples to make what I call “clean deals” with each other – deals that are at the foundation of thriving partnerships because they ensure that both parties are on the same page with one another from the beginning so that misunderstandings, hurt and resentments don’t develop and build into a crisis along the way.

Get your REAL Happily Ever After

Have you ever had the experience of arguing with your partner about something important to you? Has your partner ever done something that brought up anger about something that happened long ago?

Creating your REAL Happily Ever After

Or maybe you’re worried that that same horrible thing will happen again?

Have you ever had a relationship end because you’d reached an impasse and couldn’t figure out how to get around it?

I see it all the time in my coaching practice working with couples. When the relationship starts each partner is noticing the good things and they’re looking hopefully into the future. Their attention and energy is going toward what they hope will happen. They’ve been successful at putting things that don’t match what they want, bothersome or upsetting things, far enough out of sight that they’ve managed to say, “I do.”

Unfortunately, the second the vows are said, their focus turns toward all of the things that get in the way of the “happily ever after” that each had assumed would just happen.

The “reality” sets in.

Assumptions, and unexpressed wants and needs build up. Little challenges build up over time and become boulders. Feelings get hurt. The laundry left outside the hamper moves from being an irritation to being a sign that our partner doesn’t care about us, or even love us.

Hurts grow into glaring wounds.

What’s happening is that the attention of each person is turning away from what’s working toward what is not fitting into the picture of “happily ever after.”

The problem is that our brains are wired to look for danger and things we don’t like, and to call up past memories, so we don’t make the same mistakes again. It’s an attempt to avert disaster.

It’s our survival instinct.

In order to make changes that will get you what you want, you must retrain your mind to see something other than what you’re wired to look for.

Love survives the inevitable ups and downs in relationships when we are conscious about where we put our attention and focus, and choose to express what we appreciate about our partner to them regularly instead of allowing ourselves to slip into instinct and criticize our partner for “what’s wrong.”

If you’re experiencing challenges in your relationship, maybe it’s time for a reboot? Request a Relationship Breakthrough Session for you and your partner to learn more.
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I’m here to help!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

How Good Women Destroy Their Relationships

There is a hidden killer in relationships. It is the perpetual disempowerment of your partner through emasculation.

How to end Emasculation

Emasculation is depriving your partner, and other men in your life, of their strength and power and making them weak.

What emasculation looks like is a man becoming unmotivated or unable to function effectively in the relationship and in the world. Emasculation is most often done unconsciously but it can be done intentionally too.

Emasculation breaks men down so they have lost their power to function, to provide and protect, and of their virility.

We do this by criticizing men and not empowering them to be the providers and protectors they are driven to be. And it’s not just you, male bashing is a prevalent disease in our culture.

Why? Because we think of strong men as dangerous. What we don’t understand is that strong men are also protectors. They love to contribute to us when what we need is clear and we receive it well.

10 Ways we emasculate men and what you can do instead:

1. When we’re frustrated, we tend to criticize. So get clear on what you want and learn to express it the way he can receive it.

2. When we get into a relationship we try to fix our man and shape him into what we want. Instead, learn about men and accept him as he is.

3. When we are upset, we tend to complain. Instead, let him know what you need.

4. When we’re upset, we let him know it, by telling him how we feel. Instead, tell him what you appreciate, and then let him know what you want instead.

5. When we want to let him know what we want, we often compare him to other men who are doing what we want. Instead, be clear about what you want instead of giving comparisons.

6. When we’re frustrated, we tend to treat him like a child. Instead, respect him as an adult, and he’ll act like one.

7. When we aren’t getting our needs met, we tend to distrust his ability to take care of us so we take over. Instead, let him know that you believe in him.

8. When we’re upset we tend to pull away and act like his presence doesn’t matter. Instead, let him know you are still there and love him and his presence is important to you.

9. When we aren’t getting what we need in our relationship we tend to withhold attention. Instead of pulling away, let him know what you need and stay present.

10. When we are upset, we tend to act like his needs don’t matter. Relationships are about partnership, both of your needs matter, so let him know you value what he needs too.

Men and women are wired differently and if you don’t understand those differences, you’ll be speaking different languages which will end up in frustration.

Take the time to learn about your partner and how he operates in the world. Learn what you can do to create a win/win relationship by requesting a Relationship Breakthrough Session now.

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist