Tag Archives: create a great relationship

Women Need to FEEL ADORED! (tips for Men for Valentine’s Day +)

How to win with women
The dreaded day is here again. You’ve tried to make her happy all year, and you know that if you don’t get it right, she’ll be upset.

It’s infuriating, that you spend 364 days doing great things, and friggin’ Valentines Day, a made up holiday, is what you will be judged by!

The first problem is that there’s nothing in a woman’s nature to get her to be clear about what she needs until she’s upset without it.

The second problem is that she thinks you’re supposed to “know” what she wants because she’s hinted about it. She thinks you’re a mind-reader.

(This goes with Valentine’s Day and every other day of the year!)

So here’s what to do:

  1. If she hasn’t been clear about what would make her the happiest for Valentines’ Day, ask her. “Honey, what would make you the happiest for Valentine’s day?”
  2. If she answers, “surprise me.” Don’t fall for it! Say, “As much as I’d like to read your mind, I still haven’t figured out how, so would you think of 3 places you’d like to go, and/or 3 gifts you would enjoy and where to buy them, (photos help) and let me choose.”
  3. You can tell her your budget, be realistic, but not stingy. Remember this is supposed to feel good to both of you. If it breaks the bank and you feel resentful, that won’t work.
  4. Go with what she tells you she wants. It’s okay to embellish it. The more thought you put into it, the more she’ll appreciate it.
  5. It will go a long way, if you make a point to compliment her before you go out. Women need validation from their partner when they take the time to dress up for them. Of course, this is good every time you go out. 🙂 The result will be a happier woman and more fun because she’ll be more relaxed with you.
I know it’s a hurdle, but when done right, you’ll both feel GREAT and enjoy the time together.
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

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Men Need Ways to WIN! (tips for Women for Valentine’s Day +)

Setting Him Up to WINFebruary is supposedly the month of love, but unfortunately, for many couples it’s often a month of pressure and disappointment.

It’s the month of unclear expectations and trying to out do your last attempt at Valentines’ Day.

We are inundated by the media about what we’re supposed to do to celebrate: buy this diamond; go to this restaurant; surprise your partner with this or that gift.

The truth is that what you hear from someone other than your partner may or may not be what your love truly desires and you end up with disappointment.

Or maybe you get your hopes up but never let your partner know what you want Valentine’s Day to look like for you, and you end up getting an eyelash curler like I did one year.

He was confused because I was so disappointed. It was in this beautiful bag from a store filled with beautiful, sparkly makeup, and out of all that he’d chosen an eyelash curler!

Evidence that he didn’t know me or love me, I thought! And we broke up shortly thereafter.

Looking back, I know why he was confused. I had imagined what would make me happy, but I hadn’t let him know what I wanted, and when men are made to guess at what you want, they will opt for something they think you need. Can you see how this is a set up for failure?

If this sounds familiar. I want to give you some important tips to help your guy to win with you and make this month special instead of frustrating.

Make Sure Your Man Can Win With You!

  1. If you want a romantic dinner, think of a few places in different price ranges you’d like that would suit your fancy and be open to going on a different night if it’s totally booked on Valentines’ Day. Especially if either one of you is going to be tired from a long week. Find a time that you can have a romantic time without being exhausted.
  2. If you like gifts, think of 3 things that you’d be really happy receiving for Valentines’ Day in different price ranges. Let your partner know what they are. If you can take a photo, do it. This will take the guessing out of it and help him to win with you.
  3. Take care of yourself, like taking a bath, getting a massage, listening to your favorite music, and putting on something that makes you feel amazing, so that you’re in good shape to be happy and have a good time whatever he chooses from your options.
  4. Appreciate him for doing (or attempting to do) what you desire! Show him you’re happy! If he never sees himself winning with you, he’ll give up. This is CRITICAL!

Your man isn’t a mind reader. If you want something special, you’ve got to let him know. He spends all year trying to make you happy, and this one day is seen as the “end-all, be-all” to relationship success by women. It’s not. It’s just a day.

Giving your guy WAYS TO WIN will endear him to you.
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

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Top 5 Tips for Nurturing Your Relationship in 2016

Instead of focusing on the problems in your relationship, make a commitment to build the loving and joyful partnership you want.
How to Nurture Your Love
You can start right now by focusing on what’s working in your relationship.

Try using the following Top 5 Tips for Nurturing Your Relationship in 2016!

  1. When your partner gets angry, instead of responding with anger, choose to see the anger as fear. Listen for the fear behind the words, and imagine him or her like a hurt little child who doesn’t know how to ask for comfort and reassurance. This will help you respond with love and compassion instead of reacting to the anger. By listening instead of engaging in an argument, you minimize the fallout from the anger. This will deepen your connection instead of breaking your relationship.
  2. When you notice yourself resisting your partner as he or she expresses feelings, STOP and ASK YOURSELF “What is being expressed here that I am fearful of looking at: in myself or in my past?” Relationships, by their very nature, will bring up wounds from your past. By noticing what triggers you, you can use the trigger for healing and closure. This will create space for you two to be present with each other.
  3. Once a week, set aside some time to clear up any Emotional Tension that has built up in your relationship. Use this time to communicate Your Truth with your partner about whatever you may not have handled and may need to be cleaned up. Let your partner know what you’re feeling without blaming them. Really listen to each other with an open heart and respond when the speaker is complete. Take turns. This will deepen your relationship and create a fresh place for you both to move forward in.
  4. Use the 3 A’s of Relationships (Attention, Appreciation, Affection) with your partner 3 times a day, for at least 3 minutes. It will feed your partner’s heart. You will begin to see your partner glow RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES! And you will feel Glowy yourself! For an additional bonus add in Acceptance and Allowing, and watch your partner’s heart melt.
  5. Make love from choice instead of obligation. Choose to nurture your relationship. Learn what sex does for your partner. We often assume it’s about taking, but it can be about joining and connection. Making love causes the bonding hormone oxytocin to flow, deepening your experience, and making the day-to-day demands of life flow more comfortably and lessen your stress level.
If you’ve been having problems connecting with your partner and building the relationship that you want, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo ready to create Conscious Partnership!
Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist


How to Manage High Chemistry in your Relationship

When you have high chemistry, you’ll likely have problems having conversations about what’s important to you, and you’ll likely begin to experience anxiety and frustration.

Manage Your High Chemistry Relationship

Why? Because the chemicals that create the chemistry have nothing to do with helping you have a great relationship. Remember, they are all about making great babies.

With high physical chemistry, it’s like you have blinders on that keep you from noticing the things that don’t fit into the requirements you have for a great relationship. It’s harder to express what you need to that person, because you adapt to fit their world-view instead of being true to yourself.

So, what can you do to manage an existing high chemistry relationship?

You MUST turn inward and explore what you require, need and want in order to be happy in the relationship. You MUST take the time to create a safe space between you to explore what you both need in order to be happy. You must clearly establish whether or not you are each willing and able to provide for one another’s relationship requirements. This can be a great time to work with a coach to help you make great deals that support the vision of your future together.

If you have been experiencing challenges in your relationship, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo committed to creating lifelong partnership.

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

Getting to a Place of Choice in your relationship

On a scale of 1-10, how successful are your relationship instincts? Do they serve you well? Or run you ragged?

Exchanging Instinct for Choice

Have you ever stayed in an an unhealthy relationship because it felt safer? Had sex before you were ready? Stuck around because the kids come first? Forgotten what you need to be happy in your relationship?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you’ve experienced how easily instinct can sabotage your attempts to have a great relationship. But what is instinct and why does it work so diligently at your expense?

Instinct is your unconscious bio-chemical response mechanism tasked to secure survival.

That’s it. It’s the non-negotiable hard-wiring that motivates our behaviors and responses at every turn, guiding us to seek food and shelter, safety, companionship, and the means to pro-create.

Instinct will have men provide and protect and women support and adapt, without regards to compatibility, mutual benefit, securing joy and harmony, or getting your “fulfill me” needs met.

At its worst, instinct overshadows what Spirit has to offer because the majority of instinct assumes the perspectives of others (erroneously most times) and comes from a place of fear: Fear of loneliness; Fear of failure; Fear of losing the support of our family and friends.

Spirit is the place of Choice and Enhancement.

It’s about consciously choosing a partner and consciously creating the experience of joy, partnership, intimacy and integrity instead of letting Instinct guide you unchecked.

Spirit is what allows us the capacity to re-train our Instincts!

Re-training your Instincts requires working to understand them first. Working to figure out the positive intention underlying the “need” they are trying to fulfill.

Clearing out past hurts.

Committing to find clarity for yourself about what you want your relationship to look like in concrete terms.

Co-creating Conscious Partnership then becomes about representing clearly who you are, what you want and need, and what you’re able to provide for your partner.

Understanding the difference between Being In Instinct or Being At Choice with your partner is the cornerstone of ALL joyous and love-lived relationships because when you are At Choice, you can freely create deeper, more satisfying, and longer-lasting connections with your partner!

Sounds yummy, huh?

If you or someone you know has been experiencing challenges getting to the place of Choice in dating or relating, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo ready to move beyond Instinct to the place of actively creating Conscious Partnership.

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

How to use the PLATINUM RULE to Skyrocket your Love and Connection!

Have you ever wondered what the world would look like if your partner treated you the way you want to be treated?

Platinum Rule for Joy and Harmony

If you could get the right amount of appreciation? The right amount of affection? The right amount of attention and respect?

How awesome would you feel if you could WIN with your partner? If you could shift from basic life support in your relationship to systematically boosting and buoying one another up?!

What if I told you this world MANIFESTS when you implement the PLATINUM RULE for relationship success?


While the Golden Rule would have you treat your partner the way that YOU want to be treated, the PLATINUM RULE has you treat your partner the way s/he WANTS to be treated!

Can you see how this fundamental shift in your orientation can have profound consequences for the peace, love, joy and harmony you experience in your relationship?
Not just your romantic relationship, but ALL of your relationships!

Our default way interacting with one another is usually based on a combination of personal history (how we were taught to behave) and projection (how we would want to be treated). But this default method fails to account for the many cultural and gender differences between us, let alone our own unique personal tastes!

Using the Platinum Rule shifts your orientation from “what I want” to “let me first understand what others want and take that into account.”

It is designed to accommodate the feelings and experiences of others so that you will always win with the most important people in your lives!


Here’s what I want you to do:

1. Invite your partner (or a good friend or family member) to commit to trying out the Platinum Rule with you.

2. Engage in a conversation (or series of conversations) asking each other about when and how you like to receive attention. What makes you feel acknowledged and unconditionally accepted by your loved ones? What about appreciation? Do you like words in the moment? Or prefer gestures? How much do you need? What about affection? Do you like holding hands? Lots of cuddling or hugs? Or do you start feeling a little smothered with too much? etc.

3. LISTEN TO LEARN without judgment or expectation. You are curious! This is an opportunity to learn more about someone else and how they like to be treated. Notice how really listening opens your heart. Notice how it changes your perspective about the person or situation. What assumptions can you let go of now that you’ve heard it from them?

4. IMPLEMENT the Platinum Rule by modifying your interactions based on what you’ve learned about one another.

5. CELEBRATE the Platinum Rule by SHARING HOW IT AFFECTS YOU when they honor you by treating you in the ways you enjoy being treated!

REMEMBER: No one person can provide you with everything you need.

Shoot for 25% maximum within your personal relationship. Think about where you can subsidize your partner’s ability to provide you with more attention or appreciation OUTSIDE of your relationship.

If you have been struggling to create the you relationship you want, there’s hope and help!
I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo ready to turn their dating and relating experiences around right now!
Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

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Leveraging the Law of Attraction to Create your Ideal Partnership

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, wave a magic wand, stop time, and just take a minute to imagine your Perfect Lover and your Perfect Love!
Create a GREAT Relationship

Fantasize if you have too!

Right now.

Imagine your Perfect Lover and your Perfect Love and tell me:

What does it look like? How does your partner feel to you? What’s your favorite thing to share? What would you give to make this moment last forever?!

Meditate for a moment.

Take a deep breath and feel it.

Take another deep breath and feel it wash through your body and take your breath away…

Pretty luscious, huh? When you allow yourself to FEEL LOVE VIBRATE through your every cell and very being?

At the beginning of a relationship, this is what Love feels like.

Everything is fresh and fun. Each partner notices all of the good things. They’re looking hopefully into the future and feeling relationship BLISS.

They spend their attention and energy on what they hope will happen and overlook the little quirks and mismatches and become “invested” in their future together.

For my part? I would give anything to make this moment last forever…

But eventually this focus shifts and “reality” sets it.

Assumptions and unexpressed wants and needs accumulate, and the little challenges build up and become boulders.

Feelings get hurt, and hurts grow into glaring wounds until many couples find themselves in crisis.


They begin knit-picking one another literally (in word).

Or figuratively (in behavior).

Maybe even both!


We typically think of energy as how much gas we have in the tank.

This is true. But on a deeper level, energy is something that creates our reality.


Instead of focusing on what’s missing in your relationship – on what’s not working – try focusing on what you like, appreciate and value about your partner.


Tell your partner what you like, appreciate and value about them daily.

Your partner will respond!

From wherever you begin.

Starting today.

Seriously! 🙂

To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist


P.S. If you’re frustrated and struggling with the heartbreak of relationship problems, maybe you just need a fresh perspective to get back to the place of Hope and Love! 

Schedule a Relationship Breakthrough Session and Find out How You Can Create the Foundation for
Lifelong Love and Companionship!

Chemistry that WORKS

Have you ever been tortured by Chemical Attraction?

Shoot for Chemistry that works

Believe it or not, high chemistry isn’t all it’s cracked up to be when it comes to creating the authentic and loving relationship you want.

The scenario runs like this:

You’ve met “The One” and you can’t get enough.

You’re in LOVE! Tons of passion! You make love all the time.

You can feel your Lover walk into the room, and you’re blinded.

You can’t sleep. You think about your Lover constantly. You’re on a HIGH.

Everything’s going GREAT, despite fleeting glimpses that things could be off.

Like he loves to be at home and avoids social life, and you love to be out in the world with your friends.

Or she hates your dog, and you can’t imagine life without one.

You love to take care of yourself, and he’s a couch potato.

Or you can’t seem to get anything right with her and she’s angry all the time and you can’t figure out why.

The list could go on and on.

Little things start to add up, and then the misunderstandings come. You fight. The person you imagined at the start of the relationship has disappeared and you try desperately to get them back.

You try to fix them to be like the image you had, and things start crumbling around you.

You keep trying to work it out, but nothing’s working.

You break up. You’re devastated, and you can’t figure out what happened.

You give up for a while, and then start again with the next person hoping that this time things will be different.

Sound familiar? Even a little bit?

If you’ve ever been devastated by red hot chemistry gone bad, you know how heartbreaking and esteem crushing it can become. It makes no sense because nature didn’t make it to make sense.

Here’s the deal. Everything in our culture tells us that we should go for a chemistry of a 10, but the truth is that chemistry that hot will NEVER do anything good for you.

It’s chemically unsustainable and ends up in heartbreak every time because all of that passion overruns the time required to truly connect with your life partner in ways that work – emotionally, spiritually, foundationally.

High chemistry is about making great babies, not creating great relationships, because nature doesn’t care if you have a great relationship.

If you want to have a relationship that works long-term, do yourself a favor and get clarity about what you want, and look for someone who is a between 5-7 on the chemistry scale.

Between a 5-7, you won’t compromise the things that are important to you. You’ll be able to see clearly whether or not this person is a match for you. You’ll show up as your best self. You’ll grow in love.

If the chemistry is higher, RUN!

Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

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Relationship Success Depends on Making Clean Deals (Video Interview)

On the most basic level, people make assumptions about how their partner operates in the world, and it’s quite often wrong – especially between men and women.

In my interview with Max Van Praag, Private Matters.tv – Episode 40 – “Relationship Success Depends on Making Clean Deals.”, we discuss what it takes for couples to make what I call “clean deals” with each other – deals that are at the foundation of thriving partnerships because they ensure that both parties are on the same page with one another from the beginning so that misunderstandings, hurt and resentments don’t develop and build into a crisis along the way.

How to Create a GREAT Relationship Plan

Whether you’re married, in a long-term partnership, or you’ve been dating for a while, and consider yourselves a couple, creating (and annually updating) your “Relationship Plan” is an essential exercise.

Relationship Planning made simple

Taking the time to think about and discuss what you want your life together to look like now – for the next 12 months – will keep you on the same page as a couple, and help the universe kick in its part to ensure you get FANTASTIC results..

The key to writing a GREAT Relationship Plan is to commit to answering questions and writing your answers out on paper. Do not underestimate the power of writing!

It doesn’t have to be pretty – it just has to be meaningful enough for you that you can share your results with your partner.

1. Take an inventory of your year by jotting down answers to these questions:

  • What are you proud of in your interactions with your partner; with others?
  • What didn’t you like about your interactions with your partner; with others?
  • How well did you express your love?
  • How were you at receiving love in your life?
  • How often did you smile or laugh?
  • How much time did you spend doing things that didn’t feel good?
  • How much pleasure were you able to receive?
  • How did you take care of yourself?
  • Did you say “Yes” to the things you wanted to do?
  • Did you say “No” to the things you didn’t want to do?
  • Did you make time to be with the people you care about?
  • How much time did you spend feeling overcommitted?
  • Did you put quality attention on your relationship?
  • How open were you to experiencing connection with others?
  • What can you release from this past year?
  • What did you learn about yourself?

2. Vision what you want to create by answering these questions:

  • What is most important to you this coming year?
  • What do you want to accomplish?
  • What will you do that inspires you?
  • What do you want more of this coming year?
  • How do you plan to take care yourself?
  • How do you plan to be with your partner?
  • How much time and attention are you willing to put into your relationship this year?
  • How do you want your loved ones to feel around you?
  • How do you plan to be with others?
  • What do you want to learn more of?

3.  Imagine that it’s exactly 1 year from now and write (up to 3 pages – if it’s too long, you’ll never look at it) about everything you’re celebrating from the year as if it’s over. What did you see, feel, hear and experience over the year that made it fantastic?

4. SHARE what you’ve written with your partner. Notice where you’re in alignment and where you’re different. Your plans don’t have to be the same, but they do have to line up so that the shared “WE” space is taking up at least 25% of your life.

(Successful Relationships always require a WE plus two individuals. If you’re not putting enough attention into your relationship (less than 25%), your relationship will wither; if you’re putting too much of your attention into it (more than 25%), it will feel smothering and other parts of your life will suffer. Finding the right balance for you both is important.)

5. Together, create a list of activities that you are committed to doing as a couple to fortify your relationship and build a solid WE. Then hang them in a place where you both can see them daily, as a reminder when you are busy with life.

The more you’re in action, in focus, and attentive to your relationship, the greater chance you have of experiencing the relationship you truly want.

To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

If you or someone you know has been experiencing challenges  in dating or relating, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo ready to create Joyous  Partnership!

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!