Tag Archives: Conscious Partnership

Getting to a Place of Choice in your relationship

On a scale of 1-10, how successful are your relationship instincts? Do they serve you well? Or run you ragged?

Exchanging Instinct for Choice

Have you ever stayed in an an unhealthy relationship because it felt safer? Had sex before you were ready? Stuck around because the kids come first? Forgotten what you need to be happy in your relationship?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you’ve experienced how easily instinct can sabotage your attempts to have a great relationship. But what is instinct and why does it work so diligently at your expense?

Instinct is your unconscious bio-chemical response mechanism tasked to secure survival.

That’s it. It’s the non-negotiable hard-wiring that motivates our behaviors and responses at every turn, guiding us to seek food and shelter, safety, companionship, and the means to pro-create.

Instinct will have men provide and protect and women support and adapt, without regards to compatibility, mutual benefit, securing joy and harmony, or getting your “fulfill me” needs met.

At its worst, instinct overshadows what Spirit has to offer because the majority of instinct assumes the perspectives of others (erroneously most times) and comes from a place of fear: Fear of loneliness; Fear of failure; Fear of losing the support of our family and friends.

Spirit is the place of Choice and Enhancement.

It’s about consciously choosing a partner and consciously creating the experience of joy, partnership, intimacy and integrity instead of letting Instinct guide you unchecked.

Spirit is what allows us the capacity to re-train our Instincts!

Re-training your Instincts requires working to understand them first. Working to figure out the positive intention underlying the “need” they are trying to fulfill.

Clearing out past hurts.

Committing to find clarity for yourself about what you want your relationship to look like in concrete terms.

Co-creating Conscious Partnership then becomes about representing clearly who you are, what you want and need, and what you’re able to provide for your partner.

Understanding the difference between Being In Instinct or Being At Choice with your partner is the cornerstone of ALL joyous and love-lived relationships because when you are At Choice, you can freely create deeper, more satisfying, and longer-lasting connections with your partner!

Sounds yummy, huh?

If you or someone you know has been experiencing challenges getting to the place of Choice in dating or relating, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo ready to move beyond Instinct to the place of actively creating Conscious Partnership.

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

How to Create a GREAT Relationship Plan

Whether you’re married, in a long-term partnership, or you’ve been dating for a while, and consider yourselves a couple, creating (and annually updating) your “Relationship Plan” is an essential exercise.

Relationship Planning made simple

Taking the time to think about and discuss what you want your life together to look like now – for the next 12 months – will keep you on the same page as a couple, and help the universe kick in its part to ensure you get FANTASTIC results..

The key to writing a GREAT Relationship Plan is to commit to answering questions and writing your answers out on paper. Do not underestimate the power of writing!

It doesn’t have to be pretty – it just has to be meaningful enough for you that you can share your results with your partner.

1. Take an inventory of your year by jotting down answers to these questions:

  • What are you proud of in your interactions with your partner; with others?
  • What didn’t you like about your interactions with your partner; with others?
  • How well did you express your love?
  • How were you at receiving love in your life?
  • How often did you smile or laugh?
  • How much time did you spend doing things that didn’t feel good?
  • How much pleasure were you able to receive?
  • How did you take care of yourself?
  • Did you say “Yes” to the things you wanted to do?
  • Did you say “No” to the things you didn’t want to do?
  • Did you make time to be with the people you care about?
  • How much time did you spend feeling overcommitted?
  • Did you put quality attention on your relationship?
  • How open were you to experiencing connection with others?
  • What can you release from this past year?
  • What did you learn about yourself?

2. Vision what you want to create by answering these questions:

  • What is most important to you this coming year?
  • What do you want to accomplish?
  • What will you do that inspires you?
  • What do you want more of this coming year?
  • How do you plan to take care yourself?
  • How do you plan to be with your partner?
  • How much time and attention are you willing to put into your relationship this year?
  • How do you want your loved ones to feel around you?
  • How do you plan to be with others?
  • What do you want to learn more of?

3.  Imagine that it’s exactly 1 year from now and write (up to 3 pages – if it’s too long, you’ll never look at it) about everything you’re celebrating from the year as if it’s over. What did you see, feel, hear and experience over the year that made it fantastic?

4. SHARE what you’ve written with your partner. Notice where you’re in alignment and where you’re different. Your plans don’t have to be the same, but they do have to line up so that the shared “WE” space is taking up at least 25% of your life.

(Successful Relationships always require a WE plus two individuals. If you’re not putting enough attention into your relationship (less than 25%), your relationship will wither; if you’re putting too much of your attention into it (more than 25%), it will feel smothering and other parts of your life will suffer. Finding the right balance for you both is important.)

5. Together, create a list of activities that you are committed to doing as a couple to fortify your relationship and build a solid WE. Then hang them in a place where you both can see them daily, as a reminder when you are busy with life.

The more you’re in action, in focus, and attentive to your relationship, the greater chance you have of experiencing the relationship you truly want.

To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

If you or someone you know has been experiencing challenges  in dating or relating, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo ready to create Joyous  Partnership!

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!

Get your REAL Happily Ever After

Have you ever had the experience of arguing with your partner about something important to you? Has your partner ever done something that brought up anger about something that happened long ago?

Creating your REAL Happily Ever After

Or maybe you’re worried that that same horrible thing will happen again?

Have you ever had a relationship end because you’d reached an impasse and couldn’t figure out how to get around it?

I see it all the time in my coaching practice working with couples. When the relationship starts each partner is noticing the good things and they’re looking hopefully into the future. Their attention and energy is going toward what they hope will happen. They’ve been successful at putting things that don’t match what they want, bothersome or upsetting things, far enough out of sight that they’ve managed to say, “I do.”

Unfortunately, the second the vows are said, their focus turns toward all of the things that get in the way of the “happily ever after” that each had assumed would just happen.

The “reality” sets in.

Assumptions, and unexpressed wants and needs build up. Little challenges build up over time and become boulders. Feelings get hurt. The laundry left outside the hamper moves from being an irritation to being a sign that our partner doesn’t care about us, or even love us.

Hurts grow into glaring wounds.

What’s happening is that the attention of each person is turning away from what’s working toward what is not fitting into the picture of “happily ever after.”

The problem is that our brains are wired to look for danger and things we don’t like, and to call up past memories, so we don’t make the same mistakes again. It’s an attempt to avert disaster.

It’s our survival instinct.

In order to make changes that will get you what you want, you must retrain your mind to see something other than what you’re wired to look for.

Love survives the inevitable ups and downs in relationships when we are conscious about where we put our attention and focus, and choose to express what we appreciate about our partner to them regularly instead of allowing ourselves to slip into instinct and criticize our partner for “what’s wrong.”

If you’re experiencing challenges in your relationship, maybe it’s time for a reboot? Request a Relationship Breakthrough Session for you and your partner to learn more.
Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
I’m here to help!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist