Have you ever been tortured by Chemical Attraction?
Believe it or not, high chemistry isn’t all it’s cracked up to be when it comes to creating the authentic and loving relationship you want.
The scenario runs like this:
You’ve met “The One” and you can’t get enough.
You’re in LOVE! Tons of passion! You make love all the time.
You can feel your Lover walk into the room, and you’re blinded.
You can’t sleep. You think about your Lover constantly. You’re on a HIGH.
Everything’s going GREAT, despite fleeting glimpses that things could be off.
Like he loves to be at home and avoids social life, and you love to be out in the world with your friends.
Or she hates your dog, and you can’t imagine life without one.
You love to take care of yourself, and he’s a couch potato.
Or you can’t seem to get anything right with her and she’s angry all the time and you can’t figure out why.
The list could go on and on.
Little things start to add up, and then the misunderstandings come. You fight. The person you imagined at the start of the relationship has disappeared and you try desperately to get them back.
You try to fix them to be like the image you had, and things start crumbling around you.
You keep trying to work it out, but nothing’s working.
You break up. You’re devastated, and you can’t figure out what happened.
You give up for a while, and then start again with the next person hoping that this time things will be different.
Sound familiar? Even a little bit?
If you’ve ever been devastated by red hot chemistry gone bad, you know how heartbreaking and esteem crushing it can become. It makes no sense because nature didn’t make it to make sense.
Here’s the deal. Everything in our culture tells us that we should go for a chemistry of a 10, but the truth is that chemistry that hot will NEVER do anything good for you.
It’s chemically unsustainable and ends up in heartbreak every time because all of that passion overruns the time required to truly connect with your life partner in ways that work – emotionally, spiritually, foundationally.
High chemistry is about making great babies, not creating great relationships, because nature doesn’t care if you have a great relationship.
If you want to have a relationship that works long-term, do yourself a favor and get clarity about what you want, and look for someone who is a between 5-7 on the chemistry scale.
Between a 5-7, you won’t compromise the things that are important to you. You’ll be able to see clearly whether or not this person is a match for you. You’ll show up as your best self. You’ll grow in love.
If the chemistry is higher, RUN!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist
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