If you’ve ever ended a relationship thinking men are flakes – or that you just can’t please her no matter what you try – I’ve got some great news for you:
It’s not what you think! Believe it or not, men truly yearn to commit, and women love to be happy!
We think words like Commitment mean the same to everyone. Not only is that not true, not understanding how commitment works for the masculine and feminine modes, creates huge problems in relationships.
Remember that Men and Women both have masculine and feminine modes within them. Each person will bring their dominant modes into their relationship and each mode has a different relationship to commitment.
For the masculine mode, it’s about being all in, and once the switch in his heart has been turned, he’s in for life.
For the feminine mode, it’s about committing based on context. If the context changes, the commitment changes.
Can you see how this might be a problem?
Here’s a startling statistic: TWO THIRDS of divorces are initiated by women. Crazy, right! Men are usually seen as the non-committal ones… This might shock you, but generally that’s not true.
Here’s a scenario.
Man and woman meet. They are crazy hot for each other. It’s “love at first sight.” They are sure they’ve met “the one” so they dive into a relationship. They have an attraction of a level 10. (I’ll be talking about that next week).
The problem is that because it feels so good and they have so much passion, they tend to make the assumption that they are on the same page about their relationship goals.
They’ve missed the step in dating about getting really clear about what each other’s requirements are in order to be happy when tying themselves to the other person.
Unfortunately, it’s typical for women to not express themselves clearly about what they need, especially when the attraction level is high. They make assumptions that their partner will figure out what they need based on hints and suggestions.
And if a woman’s too direct, she feels awkward, so it’s often the awkwardness that turns a man off.
So you have lack of clarity and misunderstandings and, quite often, there were things she needed in the beginning of the relationship that she didn’t express in a way that her man could get it right from the start.
She assumed that he got her hints, and expected her partner to change, and when he doesn’t, she finally leaves.
The sad thing is that men want to make us happy, and because we don’t give them quality information about what we need until we’re upset without it, they don’t see how they can win with us by committing.
What this means is that women need to be more clear about their needs. Sure some men will walk away, but the right one will stay, because when your man knows how he can make you happy (happiness is your job ladies), he’ll want to commit, and he’ll commit for life.
If you want to learn more about what you can do to get on the same page with your partner, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo who are committed to creating Conscious Partnership.
Relationship Navigation Specialist
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