How to Overcome Waning Chemistry

Waning Chemistry happens when you start with a high chemistry and dive in without making deals about what is important to you.

How to Overcome Waning ChemistryOver time, each person gets hurt and these hurts build up. It causes us to withhold affection, sex and attention.

Withholding affection, sex and attention will be the DEATH of your relationship.

To overcome Waning Chemistry, you need to start by expressing your past hurts and allowing them to be healed. It’s not easy, and it takes a firm willingness to heal. Get the support of a coach who is able to hold a non-judgmental place for you both and guide you in the healing process.

When past hurts are healed, it will bring you up to the present moment. This will create an openness between you to explore each of your requirements, needs and wants together.

You’ll notice intimacy growing again, and with it, the space to appreciate what each of you bring to the relationship. This appreciation will help your relationship thrive and with that, you’ll feel happier, more resilient, and more satisfied.

If you have been experiencing challenges in your relationship, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Couples or Partners Flying Solo committed to turning things around.

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

Getting to a Place of Choice in your relationship

On a scale of 1-10, how successful are your relationship instincts? Do they serve you well? Or run you ragged?

Exchanging Instinct for Choice

Have you ever stayed in an an unhealthy relationship because it felt safer? Had sex before you were ready? Stuck around because the kids come first? Forgotten what you need to be happy in your relationship?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you’ve experienced how easily instinct can sabotage your attempts to have a great relationship. But what is instinct and why does it work so diligently at your expense?

Instinct is your unconscious bio-chemical response mechanism tasked to secure survival.

That’s it. It’s the non-negotiable hard-wiring that motivates our behaviors and responses at every turn, guiding us to seek food and shelter, safety, companionship, and the means to pro-create.

Instinct will have men provide and protect and women support and adapt, without regards to compatibility, mutual benefit, securing joy and harmony, or getting your “fulfill me” needs met.

At its worst, instinct overshadows what Spirit has to offer because the majority of instinct assumes the perspectives of others (erroneously most times) and comes from a place of fear: Fear of loneliness; Fear of failure; Fear of losing the support of our family and friends.

Spirit is the place of Choice and Enhancement.

It’s about consciously choosing a partner and consciously creating the experience of joy, partnership, intimacy and integrity instead of letting Instinct guide you unchecked.

Spirit is what allows us the capacity to re-train our Instincts!

Re-training your Instincts requires working to understand them first. Working to figure out the positive intention underlying the “need” they are trying to fulfill.

Clearing out past hurts.

Committing to find clarity for yourself about what you want your relationship to look like in concrete terms.

Co-creating Conscious Partnership then becomes about representing clearly who you are, what you want and need, and what you’re able to provide for your partner.

Understanding the difference between Being In Instinct or Being At Choice with your partner is the cornerstone of ALL joyous and love-lived relationships because when you are At Choice, you can freely create deeper, more satisfying, and longer-lasting connections with your partner!

Sounds yummy, huh?

If you or someone you know has been experiencing challenges getting to the place of Choice in dating or relating, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo ready to move beyond Instinct to the place of actively creating Conscious Partnership.

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

How to ask “How was your day?” successfully every time

Maybe you’ve heard that on average men use 5,000 words per day and women use 25,000. But did you know that this simple statistic can wreak havoc in your relationship if you don’t know where your partner is coming from when you ask them something as seemingly harmless as: How was your day?!

Successful Communication Between Men and Women

This is because men and women use words to achieve different goals.

Men use words to express what they think and what they think matters!

They’ve usually put a lot of thought into what they think about things, and so they need far fewer words to express the point.

For men: the point matters and they listen for the point.

Women use words to forge connection!

They spend a lot of time gathering details about the world, and they share all of those details for the purpose connecting with people on an emotional level. The more they talk, the deeper they connect, and women need that connection to sustain themselves.

For women: there is no comparable “point” because just sharing is the point.

TIPS FOR MEN:

When you ask your woman how her day was, she hears that she matters. That you care. Because your caring is priceless to her, I would encourage you to ask her about her day every day!

When she answers, make sure to listen like there’s nothing to fix because YOU GET YOUR POINTS BY LISTENING!

When she’s done talking, ask her any question you’ve saved up, or ask her if there’s something specific she wants you to remember (because maybe that was an awful lot of stuff!).

Just listening without interrupting provides her with the space she needs to share herself and feel more connected to you in your relationship.

TIPS FOR WOMEN:

Remember that your man is ALWAYS single focused, so you’ve got to get his attention before diving into a conversation. You could start by saying something like, “Hey Honey…” and wait until you have his attention.

Then ask him, “What do you want me to know about your day?” If your man gives you a one word answer about how his day was, BELIEVE HIM! There’s nothing in a man’s nature to make him share the details, and questioning feels like prying to him.

When you want to connect, think about something specific you want your man’s input on, ask him what he thinks, and wait.

As crazy as it might sound: Imagine plastering pink duct tape over your mouth for a minimum of 30 seconds! Do not interrupt. Do not re-phrase the question. Resist the urge to think that he didn’t hear you the first time!

YOU GET POINTS FOR WAITING!

Waiting provides him with the space to actually think about what he thinks long enough to formulate his point and answer your question in a way that’s meaningful to him! Waiting shows him that what he has to say matters to you as much as it does to him.

Waiting will help to forge the connection that you yearn to create!

If you’ve been having problems connecting with your partner and building the relationship that you want, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo ready to turn their dating and relating experiences around right now!
Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

 

Demystifying Men and Women’s Feelings

Everyone feels sensations in their bodies that they translate into emotions. Although the words “feeling” and “emotion” are often used interchangeably, they are not quite the same thing.

Emotions

Feelings are the physiological sensations in our bodies that we translate into emotional labels like anger, love, joy and a multitude of others. (The word “feeling” means a lot more than that, but for the purposes of this article we’re talking about feelings and emotions.)

What two people feel sensationally in their body won’t necessarily be described or even experienced in the same way. For instance, it is the same physiological sensation in the body that some people call fear, and others call excitement.

What you label your experience has a lot to do with how you perceive your experience, which has to do with your beliefs, values, history, and your “story.” It’s a matter of interpretation.

Men and women both have feelings and emotions, but it often doesn’t seem that way. That’s because men and women have very different ways of dealing with the emotions they experience.

Gals, have you ever asked your man how he was feeling and had him tell you he was “fine,” and you knew that wasn’t the case?

  • You sensed that something was going on, but you didn’t know what.
  • You saw him fuming and knew he was holding something back?
  • He didn’t want to talk about it?
  • The more you asked what was going on, the more aggravated he got?

Women are biologically wired to sense what is going on in their environment because it keeps them safe. There was a study done recently about women and eavesdropping. It was practically impossible for a woman not to hear what was going on around her. Knowing what’s going on with the people in her life and in her environment helps her to assess potential challenges and dangers.

For a woman, an upset or angry man is a potential danger, so she tries to assess the situation by asking questions. Women try to figure out what someone is going to do based on what they are feeling, because that’s the way it works for women.

Women tend to act on their feelings because they trust them implicitly.

Guys, women always want to know what you’re feeling about something because women feel something, and then they act on that feeling.

On the other hand…

Men don’t trust feelings because they generally don’t act on them. In fact, men who do are often ridiculed.

An extreme example of this is a man in a battle, he may be afraid, but he’s going to do what he thinks he should do, not what he feels.

To be seen as a coward is a fate worse than death. It would mean he would lose the respect that is vital to his manhood.

So when a woman is expressing her feelings, he may try to be empathetic, but most often, he’s really looking for the point as a way of helping her solve the problem.

  • Sometimes she’s just venting about a problem at work.
  • Sometimes she’s angry about something that her friend did.

Guys, there have been times when you’ve tried to help and gotten reprimanded. Right?

  • Sometimes she’s trying to get you to do something or change something.
  • Sometimes she’s hurt by something you did or didn’t do.
  • Sometimes she’s angry with you.

And if she’s upset with you, you’ll often see yourself as the cause of her pain. If it happens often enough, you’ll see yourself as failing at making her happy.

Gals, men will leave if they can’t make you happy. They see making you happy as their job.

I told my husband that it wasn’t his job to make me happy the other day, and he told me, “it works out better if I see making you happy as my job.”

It causes him to focus on doing things that I like and that make me happy, and he gets to be my hero, and then we’re both happy.

Now let’s look at how men experience feelings and what they do with them. They do feel, and they feel very deeply.

The way it generally works for men is that they feel something, and then think about what they are going to do with that feeling, and then they act on it.

Often what they do is totally contrary to what a woman would do given the same feelings.

The operative word is “think.” Men tend to think about what is logical to do in the face of the information at hand.

They think about whether or not it will help to talk something through.

If he doesn’t see an upside to talking something out, or sharing his feelings, he won’t.

Especially if he is afraid of something like not being able to provide for his family, he’ll keep it to himself.

In fact, for a man to share his feelings he has to feel incredibly safe with the person he’s speaking to. Men do not just act on a feeling the way a woman does.

Men don’t trust feelings.

  • If he thinks you’ll be upset with him for what he’s feeling, he won’t share it.
  • If he thinks you’ll think less of him, he won’t share it.
  • If he thinks he you will overreact and do something like leave him out of anger, he won’t share it.
  • If he thinks it might hurt his cause or foil his plan, he won’t share it.

Can you see how this dynamic might lead to immense challenges in your relationship?

For both men and women, it means the world to be accepted for who they are, but they go about it differently.

She reveals her feelings and he conceals his feelings.

The more she tries to pry it out of him, the more he clams up. The more upset a woman is, the more she tries to express herself.

When you have two people unable to share what they are experiencing, they begin to feel isolated in their relationship and their sense of connection deteriorates.

The way around this is to understand the the vast differences between men and women and learn to navigate those differences. The result is less time spent upset, frustrated and hurt and more time loving.

If you and your partner are having challenges connecting, it might be time for a Relationship Breakthrough Session. You’ll get focused one-on-one time with me and an opportunity to see what you can do to reconnect with your partner. There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain.
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

How to use the PLATINUM RULE to Skyrocket your Love and Connection!

Have you ever wondered what the world would look like if your partner treated you the way you want to be treated?

Platinum Rule for Joy and Harmony

If you could get the right amount of appreciation? The right amount of affection? The right amount of attention and respect?

How awesome would you feel if you could WIN with your partner? If you could shift from basic life support in your relationship to systematically boosting and buoying one another up?!

What if I told you this world MANIFESTS when you implement the PLATINUM RULE for relationship success?

WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO GIVE IT A TRY?

While the Golden Rule would have you treat your partner the way that YOU want to be treated, the PLATINUM RULE has you treat your partner the way s/he WANTS to be treated!

Can you see how this fundamental shift in your orientation can have profound consequences for the peace, love, joy and harmony you experience in your relationship?
Not just your romantic relationship, but ALL of your relationships!

Our default way interacting with one another is usually based on a combination of personal history (how we were taught to behave) and projection (how we would want to be treated). But this default method fails to account for the many cultural and gender differences between us, let alone our own unique personal tastes!

Using the Platinum Rule shifts your orientation from “what I want” to “let me first understand what others want and take that into account.”

It is designed to accommodate the feelings and experiences of others so that you will always win with the most important people in your lives!

ARE YOU READY TO WIN WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?!

Here’s what I want you to do:

1. Invite your partner (or a good friend or family member) to commit to trying out the Platinum Rule with you.

2. Engage in a conversation (or series of conversations) asking each other about when and how you like to receive attention. What makes you feel acknowledged and unconditionally accepted by your loved ones? What about appreciation? Do you like words in the moment? Or prefer gestures? How much do you need? What about affection? Do you like holding hands? Lots of cuddling or hugs? Or do you start feeling a little smothered with too much? etc.

3. LISTEN TO LEARN without judgment or expectation. You are curious! This is an opportunity to learn more about someone else and how they like to be treated. Notice how really listening opens your heart. Notice how it changes your perspective about the person or situation. What assumptions can you let go of now that you’ve heard it from them?

4. IMPLEMENT the Platinum Rule by modifying your interactions based on what you’ve learned about one another.

5. CELEBRATE the Platinum Rule by SHARING HOW IT AFFECTS YOU when they honor you by treating you in the ways you enjoy being treated!

REMEMBER: No one person can provide you with everything you need.

Shoot for 25% maximum within your personal relationship. Think about where you can subsidize your partner’s ability to provide you with more attention or appreciation OUTSIDE of your relationship.

If you have been struggling to create the you relationship you want, there’s hope and help!
I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo ready to turn their dating and relating experiences around right now!
Click Here to Learn More and Signup!
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

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Safety and Getting Your Needs Met

When men and women get into partnership, things like safety can create tension and break relationships up when they aren’t addressed.

Men and Women Experience Safety Differently

One of my clients, I’ll call Sheila, recently became engaged to a man, I’ll call Brett. They adore each other. Sheila had been single for the most part of 30 years before she met Brett. She also has a daughter. Before she moved in with Brett, she’d lived with a female housemate. They kept the house buttoned up like a fortress, and any visitor was to call before coming over.

Sheila’s now moved in with Brett. They are busy merging their lives together. He has always kept an open-door policy, and she’s been trying to change that because of the unbearable anxiety she feels with the doors unlocked, and the habit of locking everything. They’ve had quite a few heated arguments about it.

When we spoke about the situation, she began by expressing her anger and frustration with Brett’s allowing people to come and go without calling first, as had been her policy when she’d lived alone. She felt like Brett didn’t care about how she felt. She was right; it hadn’t even occurred to him why she might feel afraid.

During her coaching session, she began to understand why Brett wasn’t concerned at all about the house and the safety.

He’s a big man and had never in his life experienced a physical threat. Not only that, because he sees himself as her protector, he knew he was protecting her. Something she didn’t understand by his casualness in addressing her concerns. He’s say things like, “it’s fine, just let it go,” and “you’re making a big deal out of nothing.” Unfortunately, this was only making her feel more anxious and uncared for.

Women experience real and imagined threats to their physical safety almost every day.

From a man’s loud voice when he’s angry that triggers her instinctual fears, to choosing the safest parking space when parking their car. Most women take it as par for the course to pay attention to these things, however it’s something that most men will never truly understand because of how they experience the world.

Together we came up with a plan for her talking with him about what she needed in order to feel safe. It was through understanding their differences that she was able to explain to him why she was afraid. He was able to conceptually understand where she was coming from, although he will never truly get her experience.

With this understanding, they were able to have a civil conversation and put a protocol in place that allows her to feel safe and him to still have his friends and family feel comfortable coming over.

If you and your partner are struggling to find harmony in your relationship, schedule a 30-minute appointment with me to discuss your unique situation and goals and what you can start doing right away to achieve them.

Click here to schedule now.

I’m here for you. I’m on your side. 🙂

To Love!

Schedule 30 Minutes Now

Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

Criticism Kills Relationships ~ So get rid of it now!

Have you ever wished you could “get more flies with honey” instead of choking on so much vinegar?

Criticism Kills Relationships

Before you laugh me off, consider this: criticism is the first of John Gottman’s famous Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

It predicts divorce with more than 90% accuracy!

Criticism is an easy form of ego defense: we’ve all done it; we’ve all received it. Underneath it all, we criticize when we feel devalued by behaviors and attitudes that we don’t understand.

While failing to understand where your partner is coming from creates problems, failing to understand how the masculine and feminine respond to criticism differently creates lingering hurts that build up over time to destroy the love you share.

It doesn’t have to be this way when you understand what you’re dealing with!

At it’s core, criticism is judgment and the Masculine Provider/Protector judges.

He’s FANTASTIC at continually evaluating his environment for strengths and weaknesses because this is what makes him EFFECTIVE, successful, and damned good at his job!

The Feminine Supporter-Adapter, on the other hand, has a very deep and strong aversion to judgement because it directly affects her feelings, and she values her feelings the way she values her life!

When she feels judged, there’s no love, and her Internal Critic can trigger a Rage Response: it’s ugly, has no reason, she hates it passionately, but there’s a voice inside of every woman that continually knit-picks and tells her she’s wrong, she could have done it this way, she should have done it that way, and there’s always someone else better than her…

There’s no upside to siding with this ‘Ideal Woman’ from the outside!

Maybe it would be better to call her the Ideal Critic, in point of fact.

This is VERY IMPORTANT TO RECOGNIZE because the Feminine responds to criticism by adapting her behavior. This is who she is! What she does! Adapting to her environment is what makes the Feminine timeless and EFFECTIVE!

For a woman criticized once, there will be no twice, because she will change to get a better response. Thus, she instinctively uses criticism to solicit change in others.

But the Masculine will not adapt. It’s not his job. He won’t even think about it because he does not naturally read between the lines to interpret that change is needed.

WOMEN: No amount of criticism will ever change your man!

It will just make him retract, withdraw, resent and avoid you. You need to speak directly about what change you want and what it will provide for you.

MEN: Women experience criticism like physical violence and you will never find a common ground for “reasoning” in their response.

Obviously, judgment is not wrong, but it is important to understand where and when it’s appropriate.

So whether you’re a woman or man, single or coupled, the NEXT TIME A MOMENT TO CRITICIZE SOMEONE YOU LOVE rears its ugly head, I invite you to be curious instead.

Assume they have a good reason for doing what they do and say “I’m curious, what had you do ________ that way?” or “You must have a good reason for doing what you did, would you be willing to tell me about your reason?”

You’ll get a lot farther through understanding instead of assuming.

If Criticism has moved you to crisis, there’s hope and help! I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo ready to turn their dating and relating experiences around right now!

Click Here to Learn More and Signup!

To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

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Leveraging the Law of Attraction to Create your Ideal Partnership

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, wave a magic wand, stop time, and just take a minute to imagine your Perfect Lover and your Perfect Love!
Create a GREAT Relationship

Fantasize if you have too!

Right now.

Imagine your Perfect Lover and your Perfect Love and tell me:

What does it look like? How does your partner feel to you? What’s your favorite thing to share? What would you give to make this moment last forever?!

Meditate for a moment.

Take a deep breath and feel it.

Take another deep breath and feel it wash through your body and take your breath away…

Pretty luscious, huh? When you allow yourself to FEEL LOVE VIBRATE through your every cell and very being?

At the beginning of a relationship, this is what Love feels like.

Everything is fresh and fun. Each partner notices all of the good things. They’re looking hopefully into the future and feeling relationship BLISS.

They spend their attention and energy on what they hope will happen and overlook the little quirks and mismatches and become “invested” in their future together.

For my part? I would give anything to make this moment last forever…

But eventually this focus shifts and “reality” sets it.

Assumptions and unexpressed wants and needs accumulate, and the little challenges build up and become boulders.

Feelings get hurt, and hurts grow into glaring wounds until many couples find themselves in crisis.

What’s happening here is that the ATTENTION OF EACH PERSON IS TURNING AWAY FROM WHAT’S WORKING.

They begin knit-picking one another literally (in word).

Or figuratively (in behavior).

Maybe even both!

BUT IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY, and here’s why:

We typically think of energy as how much gas we have in the tank.

This is true. But on a deeper level, energy is something that creates our reality.

WHAT WE FOCUS OUR ATTENTION ON ATTRACTS MORE OF THE SAME.

Instead of focusing on what’s missing in your relationship – on what’s not working – try focusing on what you like, appreciate and value about your partner.

MEDITATE ON WHAT YOU LIKE DAILY!

Tell your partner what you like, appreciate and value about them daily.

Your partner will respond!

From wherever you begin.

Starting today.

Seriously! 🙂

To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

 

P.S. If you’re frustrated and struggling with the heartbreak of relationship problems, maybe you just need a fresh perspective to get back to the place of Hope and Love! 

Schedule a Relationship Breakthrough Session and Find out How You Can Create the Foundation for
Lifelong Love and Companionship!

Caution: Safety Can Matter More than Love!

Have you ever given much thought to what makes your partner feel safe? Noticed how men feel physically safe? And women experience real and imagined threats to their physical safety almost every day?

Safety FirstWhen men and women get into partnership, misunderstandings about Safety can create tension and break up relationships because men and women often experience safety in opposition.

Men have a much stronger sense of confidence in themselves and their ability to keep themselves safe because they tend to be bigger and stronger than women. Because of this confidence, men almost always feel safe moving through the world.

Women, on the other hand, continually evaluate their environment for potential threats and avoid them. From jumping at the loud voice of a man when he’s angry, to choosing the safest parking space, women move through the world with caution.

FOR THE MASCULINE: Anything that threatens his ability to keep the people in his life safe makes him feel unsafe.

FOR THE FEMININE: Anything that prevents her from “seeing” her environment represents danger. In fact, she actually needs to know what’s going on inside a man’s head to feel safe because instinct won’t let her take safety for granted.

The best way to understand this crazy dynamic is to imagine the masculine as a warrior. “His” job is to protect the people he has committed himself to protect. In order to do this, he won’t reveal his weaknesses or his strengths to ANYONE if he can help it OR unless he feels he is completely safe with them.

If he told the enemy who his family was, they would no longer be safe. If he told the enemy what the plan was, his squadron wouldn’t be safe. If he expressed his vulnerabilities, he wouldn’t be safe.

That’s right. For a man to share what’s deepest inside him, HE MUST FEEL SAFE.

Can you see how these instinctual differences might lead to conflict? When men need to know that women are safe to be vulnerable with? And women need men to be vulnerable in order to feel safe?!

Irritation, frustration and anger are unsafe.

The tone of a woman’s voice, the furrowing of her brow, and the sheer intensity with which she “expresses” her lack-of-safety-driven-feelings-about-things causes him to feel unsafe.

When he feels unsafe, he won’t talk, and his silence feeds her fear for her own safety and thus the cycle amplifies itself into a downward spiral of misunderstanding.

Many relationships have ended because of this dynamic. But it doesn’t have to be this way!

Take some time to explore what makes you feel safe and share it with your partner (or the person you’re dating)!

Talk about what creates the experience of safety for you, and what feeling safe makes possible for you!

When you understand what you need, and share authentically with your partner, your connection will be strengthened.

To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist
If you want to learn more about the instinctual differences between men and women and how to avoid letting them run your relationship amok, I offer Relationship Breakthrough Sessions for Singles, Couples or Partners Flying Solo who are committed to creating Conscious Partnership.
Click Here to Learn More and Signup!

Chemistry that WORKS

Have you ever been tortured by Chemical Attraction?

Shoot for Chemistry that works

Believe it or not, high chemistry isn’t all it’s cracked up to be when it comes to creating the authentic and loving relationship you want.

The scenario runs like this:

You’ve met “The One” and you can’t get enough.

You’re in LOVE! Tons of passion! You make love all the time.

You can feel your Lover walk into the room, and you’re blinded.

You can’t sleep. You think about your Lover constantly. You’re on a HIGH.

Everything’s going GREAT, despite fleeting glimpses that things could be off.

Like he loves to be at home and avoids social life, and you love to be out in the world with your friends.

Or she hates your dog, and you can’t imagine life without one.

You love to take care of yourself, and he’s a couch potato.

Or you can’t seem to get anything right with her and she’s angry all the time and you can’t figure out why.

The list could go on and on.

Little things start to add up, and then the misunderstandings come. You fight. The person you imagined at the start of the relationship has disappeared and you try desperately to get them back.

You try to fix them to be like the image you had, and things start crumbling around you.

You keep trying to work it out, but nothing’s working.

You break up. You’re devastated, and you can’t figure out what happened.

You give up for a while, and then start again with the next person hoping that this time things will be different.

Sound familiar? Even a little bit?

If you’ve ever been devastated by red hot chemistry gone bad, you know how heartbreaking and esteem crushing it can become. It makes no sense because nature didn’t make it to make sense.

Here’s the deal. Everything in our culture tells us that we should go for a chemistry of a 10, but the truth is that chemistry that hot will NEVER do anything good for you.

It’s chemically unsustainable and ends up in heartbreak every time because all of that passion overruns the time required to truly connect with your life partner in ways that work – emotionally, spiritually, foundationally.

High chemistry is about making great babies, not creating great relationships, because nature doesn’t care if you have a great relationship.

If you want to have a relationship that works long-term, do yourself a favor and get clarity about what you want, and look for someone who is a between 5-7 on the chemistry scale.

Between a 5-7, you won’t compromise the things that are important to you. You’ll be able to see clearly whether or not this person is a match for you. You’ll show up as your best self. You’ll grow in love.

If the chemistry is higher, RUN!

Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist

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