How Relationship Stress Affects Your Health – the Biochemistry of Emotions

Our emotions play an enormous role in our health, vitality and well-being or lack there of.

How Relationship Stress Affects Your Health

Dr. Candace Pert states in her book Molecules of Emotion that “virtually all illness, if not psychosomatic in foundation, has a definite psychosomatic component.” When we are experiencing frustrations with our partner, our relationship, and our lives, it adds up to chronic stress.

Chronic stress is mental or physical tension, strain or pressure that remains unresolved for extended periods of time. This stress can be initiated by events such as fighting with your partner, hurts that build up over time, dissatisfaction with your relationship, unresolved family problems, tension raising children, miscommunications and pent-up frustrations.

It can also be caused by dissatisfaction with your life in general through not having a sense of purpose in the world, as well as, not feeling connected to your partner, your family, or your community.

The key ingredient that makes any of these situations stressful is the way a person perceives the experiences, not the experiences themselves. Whether you’re single or already in a relationship, this matters because it impacts your ability to create the relationship you truly desire.

Many people don’t think that chronic stress affects the body, and as a result, they may be suffering from autoimmune disorders, chronic back pain, coronary artery disease, fibromyalgia, heart palpitations, hypertension, irritable bowel syndrome, lupus, migraine headaches, mitral valve prolapse, multiple sclerosis, panic attacks, rheumatoid arthritis, tension, TMJ, and other conditions, says Dr. Don Colbert author of Deadly Emotions.

Much of Western culture operates under the assumption that the mind is separate from the body. We have been taught that our bodies are simply objects to be carried around, to exercise and feed. The majority of people do not realize the link between their thoughts, emotions, and daily stresses and their physical ailments.

One person whom I did not work with, said he was experiencing Irritable Bowel Syndrome and anxiety. It turns out that he was in a very stressful job as an executive at a worldwide corporation. When I asked him if he saw that his current situation was impacting his body, he answered with complete conviction, that his job could not be affecting his bowel and that what he had was genetic.


The truth is that our environment plays an enormous role in whether or not certain genes manifest into disease. It is the mind-body consciousness split that causes people to deny that the environment has anything to do with how healthy or unhealthy they are.

One women I worked with had been experiencing ear infections and vertigo for several years without any underlying cause that her doctors could find. Through our work together, she was able to discover that the symptoms were caused by a part of her that was tired of traveling.

This part of her psyche sounded very tired and wanted to stay in one place to raise their two-year-old son. She and her husband had been traveling for the past seven years, moving every two months to a new country to photograph Olympic teams.

Our bodies are incredibly intelligent and it is surprising how often the symptoms someone experiences make logical sense once it’s been discovered. Unconsciously, she didn’t want to travel anymore and her symptoms were ear problems (you’re not supposed to get on an airplane with an ear problem).

She’d been afraid to speak with her husband because she didn’t want to rock the boat. As we worked together, she realized that it was sabotaging her health to keep her symptom needs hidden from her husband. So, with this understanding, she spoke with her husband about her concerns for the first time.

Men have told me that they want you to be clear about what you need because they want to take care of you. They can’t take care of you if they don’t know what you need.

They decided to buy a house in a place where he would be able to use his photographic skill, and her symptoms disappeared. When the message from her unconscious mind was finally heard, and she realized that not resolving this problem in her relationship was risking her health, she was able to take action and resolve the physical symptoms.

Our environment includes external and internal factors. Chronic stress is both external and internal because what is going on outside of us is internalized through our perception. How we perceive what is going on for us causes our body to create chemicals in our bodies that affect every cell of our body.

Environmental Stress

Every cell in our body has a wall around it that has receptors that pick up these chemicals. Dr. Bruce Lipton, author of The Biology of Belief, calls it the “mem-brain.” This mem-brain reads the chemicals produce by our emotions that pass by.

If you are feeling good about your relationship, you have feel-good chemicals in your body that cause your body to function properly, to heal, and to be in health and wellness.

If you are feeling upset, frustrated, and angry, often the molecules of emotion that will be filling your body will be stress related, causing you to go into fight or flight mode, and ultimately lead to disease.

The mem-brain has receptors for each kind of chemical that our bodies create. Whether you’re feeling happy or angry often, your cell’s receptors will become addicted to that particular kind of chemical.

This is why if you’re in fight or flight mode most of the time, the receptors for the feel good emotions will become dormant, and it takes a little time and diligent practice to change your emotional state.

The reverse is also true. The better you feel, the more your body will crave the feel good chemicals and put your body on the course for health and wellness.

This is why I propose 3 Must Haves for Relationship Success:

1. You must understand your partner; 2. You must learn to navigate your differences, and 3. You must learn to manage your emotional state.

Doing these things will create an upward spiral in your relationship experience and support your health.

If you’re suffering from relationship challenges with the opposite sex and you are sick and tired, isn’t it time you got some help?

Click here to schedule a Relationship Breakthrough Session and turn your experience around.
To Love!
Kimi Avary
Relationship Navigation Specialist